I don't want to say that I can't believe Ella is already two months old, because I can. I have the laundry piles to prove it. I couldn't begin to count the diapers we went through. I have over one hundred ounces of breast milk sitting in the freezer, because I have a never ending supply and I have to pump everyday so that I don't drown my baby while she eats. I have a brand new pile of clothes that are marked "3 months" because our newborn onesies are too tiny for our sweet baby. Nobody could have prepared me for the sting that accompanies putting those tiny onesies in a box. It ripped me to shreds, y'all. Anyway, before I spiral downward again, I should continue my previous thought. I'm watching the garden outside die because it made it through the life cycle, and that always lets me know that cooler temps are on the horizon. All of the signs are there to show that our baby is 2 months old, but looking at her is when things don't feel real.
Ella stretches all the way across my upper body when I hold her, which isn't saying much considering that I am remarkably short; but to consider that she used to fit perfectly on my chest, it's a little strange. When I feed her, I look for things to support my arms, because even though she's only about 12 pounds, my arms feel like they're breaking about half-way through a feeding. This baby has the sweetest grin, and she's so responsive to our voices. Even when we aren't speaking to her in a typical shrieky voice that accompanies speaking to babies, she'll turn her head and look for us if she hears one of us speak. There are dimples on her cheeks, but there are even cuter dimples on the back of her thighs. I tell her daily to live it up, because this is the only time people will think that those dimples are adorable. She's able to eat without my help, which is one of my greatest victories as a Mother, because it means that I can at least read my book while she spends 45 minutes eating at night. She has the biggest eyes I've seen on such a tiny face, and they're just the darkest shade of blue. For a little while, it looked like they were going to kind of "starburst," and be light around the pupil, but dark around the edges. Nope. They've changed into one solid color of blue, and in the right light, they almost have a purple hue to them. I've never seen such interesting eyes. Her fat rolls are the most kissable things, and it always makes me smile to see how far we've come in the two months that she's been around. They change right in front of your eyes, and most of the time, you kind of look at them and think "What have I been doing?" I'm thankful to be aware of the changes in her already, but I would also be okay with her staying this tiny for a little while. She's such a sweet cuddly baby.
Ella went to church for the first time when she was six weeks old. I didn't put her in a frilly dress, but she certainly looked adorable. I opted out of putting her in the nursery, partially because I knew I wouldn't focus for the message and partially because I feel like she can wait awhile longer. Fortunately, I found out she will be with Sheri (one of the only people I would comfortably leave my child with) until she starts crawling, SO I guess my goal will be to push her down until she's 5 so that she can't leave Sheri's care. Anyways, Ella went to church with Mama and She slept the entire time we were there. I will admit unashamedly that I was a nervous wreck when we were in the public eye after service. People I've never seen before in my life came up to me and asked to hold my daughter... to which I had to politely say that she was fussy (she wasn't) and that it was probably best if she stayed in her stroller. It was difficult to remain polite when everything in my head said "No, freak! I don't even know you!" I cringed whenever somebody rubbed their hands all over her head. I had to resist the impulse to swat hands away whenever they grabbed hers. Here's a little bit of advice for those of you meeting an infant for the first time: Don't touch skin. I know Ella is a sweet baby, and I know she has a full head of hair. Don't touch it. If you MUST touch my child, touch her tummy, which is covered by her onesie. Don't grab her hands. She puts her fist in her mouth ALL the time. That's super gross. I brought her home and scrubbed her down in the bath, and I had to remind myself that I can't keep her in the bubble of our home forever. In the meantime, I've grown quite efficient at slamming the carseat/stroller combo shut whenever I see a creeper approaching. I'm excellent at saying "No" when someone that I don't want to hold her asks to hold her. I'm sure I'm gaining the reputation of an overprotective new mom, but I would rather be that mom than the mom that feels nauseated at the thought of strangers and their gross hands. I'm sorry if you become victim to my blunt responses... it's not you, it's your hands... So I guess it might be you a little bit.
One of the questions I've been asked most frequently is whether or not I like being at home. The answer is yes, I love it. I love feeling like I'm right in the middle of my element. I've lived my entire life waiting and preparing to be a mother, and now that I'm here, it feels as wonderful as I always hoped it would. I love planning dinner menus, and having the time to coordinate what meals have the same ingredients, so that food is used efficiently and budget friendly. I can buy 10 days worth of food for about $120.00, and I eat leftovers for lunch every day. When I was working and just cooking what sounded good, we were spending at least $175.00 at the grocery store PLUS eating out frequently because I was always so worn out, PLUS I ate out for lunch every day. Our budget is so much friendlier with me being home. I love searching for recipes, finding ways to sneak vegetables that Cody claims he doesn't eat, and having the energy to "plate" the food creatively. The smallest details of cooking bring me the greatest amounts of pleasure, and I'm thankful for my simple little life. Some days are hard, especially when Ella is in a growth spurt and I feel like a dairy cow trapped in the recliner feeding her. Some days are lonely. Some days I don't get a single thing done because I'm just worn out from raising a newborn. I try to make to-do lists daily, with a reasonable amount of tasks to check off... because who doesn't feel a little sense of accomplishment when you can actually check something off of your to-do list? Some times the list sits ignored, and other times I get the list plus additional tasks done. It all depends on how badly my baby needs her Mama that day. My parents are really wonderful about calling us for lunch dates, so we get out of the house a few times a week. As I said before, I plan the grocery list 10 days at a time so that I can get out of the house and be alone for an hour or two every now and then. I wouldn't say that I enjoy the grocery store as my alone time, but it's nice to have an opportunity to miss Ella. Most of the time, we're together 24/7, so it's good for both of us to get a break. It's also important to me that Cody and Ella have time alone together. I'm sure it can be hard for him to feel like the Dad when I'm staring over his shoulder all of the time. I want them to be comfortable without me around. It's never too early for Daddy/Daughter dates.
For the most part, we have a dream baby. She's incredibly laid back, and has the sweetest grin in the world. She does have a few allergy issues, and often wakes up with a stuffy nose. God bless the nasal aspirator we took from the hospital. She absolutely hates getting her nose cleaned, as it's one of the few times she throws fits. She has two stubborn tear ducts that are still clogged, but the doctor assures me they'll open soon. I have definitely noticed less of the gunk in her eyes, so I'm praying it won't be long. She very rarely has stomach issues, but when she does, we give her 1/4 teaspoon of gripe water. It calms her almost immediately. I recommend it to any new parent. I used to be super judgmental about giving babies things for gas and such, but it only took one night of being up all night listening to her scream in pain before I changed my tune. I'm so thankful she skipped the colic train. Bless all of you that had to fight it.
At the moment, Ella is giving every effort in the world to hold her head up. She does remarkably well, and only wobbles if we move and she tries to follow us. She loves sitting in her bumbo chair, though it makes me a little sad to look over and see her looking so much like an infant instead of a newborn. She's gaining weight so fast, and it's taking me longer and longer to scrub between the rolls during bath time... but it's so adorable I can hardly stand it. Ella can't stand to be alone. She doesn't necessarily care if she's being held, but she wants to see me and she wants to hear me. This makes getting things done especially difficult sometimes. She spends a lot of time in the baby carrier during the day, because otherwise I spend the entire day watching the tv with Ella sitting in the bumbo beside me. I love having a baby that's awake for the majority of the day, but I have to clean like a mad woman when she naps. It's a fun part of being a stay at home mom. You kind of begin to base your life around when the baby sleeps. And on days that she doesn't sleep, the house stays in disarray. I used to really stress about it, because I hated that Cody worked all day and then came home to a house that looks like a baby department store threw up inside. But I had to get over that. Raising Ella is the priority, and right now she demands a lot of effort, and so much time. Sometimes I miss the check that proved that I was contributing to our family's well being, but I can't imagine leaving this sweet little world to go back into a paying job. I'll spend the next few years of my life sacrificing a little bit of the glitter that came with extra money if it means raising a baby with a heart of gold. I know that's super corny, and I'm sorry that you had to read it, but it's my heart's cry that Ella know a world of manners, visiting a library, and spending her days at her home. I want her to know food outside of macaroni and lunchables, and even if we have to fight it out everyday, she'll have an eclectic food palate. She'll sing Disney songs and play baby dolls in the living room floor, and if we're lucky, she'll find joy in getting lost in a book. I know there are so many expectations, and it's okay if she doesn't meet all of them, but I know she'll be thankful when she looks back and sees how much of my life I invested into hers when she has a baby of her own. I know I'm thankful everyday that my mom fought through the mundane of motherhood when she chose to stay home and watch us destroy the living room she had just cleaned.
The last exciting piece of information for this month is that the Gaines family survived our first road trip. We have so many family members (even family in this town) that still haven't met our sweet baby. We're trying to remedy that, so we took labor day weekend to shoot up to Wheeler so that Ella could meet some of Cody's family. It's a wondrous thing that Ella has so many people that are so excited to love her. My favorite part of the trip was watching Ella meet her great-grandfather, Pops. Cody has been bursting at the seams to let him meet this baby, and so it was a joy to watch him interact with her. I was prepared for Cody's mom's side of the family to ooh and ahh and rejoice over Ella's tiny face, but the last thing I expected was to see Pops' heart melt when he saw her. They spent so much time together, and Ella kicked and grinned every time he gave her the slightest bit of attention. He even volunteered to babysit while Cody and I grabbed lunch. I loved our time in Wheeler, and it was so special to see Ella with so many family members. She was even blessed enough to meet her GREAT GREAT grandparentS. That was two greats and a plural. Yes. Cody's Maternal Great Grandparents, Ray and Mae (is that not adorable?) are both still alive and kicking. They've been married for 76 years this week, and they're still absolutely mad about each other today. Grandma battles Alzheimer's, and it's in a very advanced stage, so I was prepared for her not to acknowledge Ella at all. We let Grandpa hold Ella for awhile (seriously, the man is almost 100 years old and still sharp as a nail), and before any of us could stop him, he put Ella in Grandma's arms. I cringed, and I saw Cody's mom prepare to snatch Ella away... but just then, Ella let out a little whimper... and Grandma came to life. She started bouncing Ella , patting her on the bottom, and kissing her hand. I don't know that there wasn't a soul in the room that wasn't touched by the sweetness of the moment, and I'll cherish the memory always.
That's it! Our lives are full of love, drowning in sweetness, and covered in grace. I'm so thankful everyday that the Lord saw us fit to raise such a wonderful little life. Here's her Socktopus picture, and we'll see ya next month!
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