I say with utmost caution that the past month has been the easiest month of parenting for me. No random doctor visits, no freak-outs over whether or not she's breathing as she sleeps... I think maybe I've just come to accept that my baby is a part of my life, and I've begun to believe that the Lord is in truly in control of our day-to-day chaos. That's not to say that we didn't have our moments. A certain 6 1/2 month old opted to take a little face dive in the bathtub once. I grabbed her immediately, but still learned that "Dry Drowning" is a thing. Who knew? It allowed me to have 3 tense hours of watching my child breathe. THAT was a blast. Or perhaps the day that she decided to get choked on breastmilk and cough for 3 minutes straight takes the cake of "What the heck am I supposed to do here?" I've taken the classes. I went to 4 separate classes to learn what to do with infant emergency situations. After the incident was over, I was able to say "Oh yeah, that's what I should've done." That was usually 4 or 5 hours later. After the baby was snoring in her crib or screaming at the television. Basically, an instinct kicks in during "high panic" situations.... but the remarkable thing is watching your baby's body take care of itself. It's so crazy to watch her natural instincts take over and fix whatever's going on. Does she need me? Yes. But it's nice to know that her body is doing its part to keep her breathing as well.
Now, while it's been the easiest month of parenting, that doesn't mean that we didn't have a few moments of "I'm probably going to die of exhaustion tomorrow." Ella managed to contract her first real, serious, terrifying head cold. I see now why the doctor laughed at me when I took her in November for "sniffles." I was stubborn this time around, and when the symptoms started, I shrugged them off and turned on the humidifier. When the snot began to pour, I suctioned her nose, and took it in stride, because I knew the treatment. Then came the rising temperature. That was a little terrifying, though it never climbed past 99.6, so I couldn't take her to the E.R. or her doctor. We held a screaming baby all hours of the night for 3 nights, but there was never a temp. Then came the cough, which is when I finally allowed myself to text Sheri the P.A. (Sorry Sheri.) Who once again confirmed my "No temp, No doc" rule. I was at my wits end, and on day 6, called the doctor. I forced my way into an appointment, and of course that was the day that we started seeing glimmers of Ella again. So I called back and said "Just kidding." And seemingly in a matter of 2 hours, we had our baby back... with a residual cough and a clingy demeanor. After 2 days, we had a residual cough and our regular baby back. The cough is finally going away, and believe me, I'll throw a farewell party for it. It was a crazy exhausting week to be a Mom.
The wonderful thing about it is that I have such a vast pool of "Moms" to call during these situations. I can text them a video of my hacking child and say "She sounds like this." And to hear them say "We sound like that over here too!" is super comforting. While I never rally for our kids to be sick at all, at least we can conclude together that there's something in the air, and that our kids didn't pick up some rare strain of illness by touching the cart at the grocery store. Because that is probably my worst fear. I practically hyperventilate if I see her touch the grocery cart in any way, shape, or form. In the midst of all of this, Sheri gave me the greatest, most comforting words as I blew up her phone while I was terrified of "dry drowning." I mentioned how tired I was of being afraid of the worst, and while she said that things usually don't get better until baby #2, I should keep in mind that the reasons we even hear about things like "dry drowning" and "grocery cart paralysis" is because of how rare they are. We don't see news titles about each child's common cold, ear infections, or blocked tear ducts because they happen every single day. The rare things really are rare things. It's been a great comfort to me. I would be so lost without Sheri. Here's a picture of Sheri's husband holding my child. It melts me to the core, because Jay also officiated Cody and I's wedding almost 4 years ago. They hold such a special place in our hearts.
More than ever, I realize how blessed and thankful I am to be raising such a ball of sunshine. Even at her sickliest, we would get the sweetest little grins between sobs. I think I've mentioned that "Ella" is a name of many meanings, just depending on which website you use. One of the meanings that always stuck out to me was "Bright Light" and I can say without a doubt that it sums up my sweet baby's demeanor. She wakes up smiling, goes to sleep smiling, and even in the dog days of motherhood, that sweet grin lights up our lives. I've watched her bring a smile to the face of every human that dare look in her direction, and I pray that her demeanor is always this precious. I hope her sweet smile always brings joy to another person, because I know what her tiny grin does for my bad days now. I've been so fortunate to be a mother to an easy going, patient, and tolerant baby. She smiles for countless photo sessions, laughs without a great effort on my end, and is perfectly content to lay in the floor and play with her toys. I'm able to cook dinner, clean when I feel like it, and have conversations with her Daddy when he gets home from work. That's not to say that every day is a dream, but our bad days are rare, and I don't take that for granted at all. Before I make it sound like I have the world's most perfect child, I will say that we're entering into "fits." This is usually for the funniest reasons, like picking her up out of the floor while she's content playing, or taking a toy away from her because we have to do less important things, like bathe. I think the funniest fits are the ones that she throws after her Daddy kisses her one too many times. They're still "cute" fits, but I know a day is coming where discipline will come into play... clearly not anytime soon, but a time is coming where those fits will embarrass me. Those days can take their time.
When my baby was a just a few weeks old, my Grandparents came down for a visit, and during a quiet moment with my Grandpa, I mentioned that I was excited for her to be a little more interactive. He laughed to himself and said "I think that you'll find that when you get to those days, you'll catch yourself saying "This was so much easier when you stayed where I put you." I laughed and threw it in my "memory book," and never thought much about it again. Well, let me tell ya, it's all coming crashing back. This child is everywhere. There was a time (even two weeks ago) that I could put her down in the floor and go about my business. My heart skipped a beat when I walked around the corner last week and my baby wasn't in the floor where I left her. I found her in the hallway adjacent to the living room, grinning and giggling at my panic. She's not a certified "crawler" yet, but homegirl can get where she needs to go in no time at all. So now I check on her way more than I should and attempt to do everything in thirty second intervals. It's a total blast.
I'm excited and nervous to announce that we are officially moving. Our home in Odessa is under contract, and we are under contract for a home that felt like "home" the moment Cody and I stepped inside of it. The Lord really shook our plans for a home, as we were ready to build another new home and be content. Our home was for sale for 3 months, which is pretty much unheard of around here. We were tired, beaten down, and weathered, but just one day out of no where, the house sold. So we went to speak to our builders, and learned it would be April before we could ever begin building. That would be a new home in August. Homeless for 4 months. No thanks! So we started looking around Midland, convinced we would never find a decently priced home in a good neighborhood, but the Lord is so good to provide for us. Our new home was on the market for ONE day, I saw it on the website, text Cody that we NEEDED to see it, and we went to look at it the next day. We were the first people to ever look at the home. We made an offer, and it was accepted. We absolutely choose to believe that the Lord has been holding this home for us. The fact that the sellers took our offer (which was below asking price) and didn't make us wait until they had other offers to compare it with just spoke volumes to us about how good God really is. This has been the plan the whole time. We see that now, and we're so excited to begin our new lives in a home that we adore. This will be the home that Ella remembers all of her life, and so we're bound and determined to get in and make it "ours." The backyard is one of the prettiest backyards I've ever seen, and that's even in the middle of January. I can't wait to see it this summer. There's an entire gated area that we've designated as "Garden," a wonderful shop that Cody can transform into his studio, and bookshelves are all over the house. We love it so much, and I can't wait to post photos next month!
So now that we're starting to pack this house up, those feelings I've been dreading are starting to make themselves known. When we walked through the door for the first time 2 years ago, I turned to Cody and said "We'll probably bring our first baby into this house." Cody shrugged and said "Probably." And we did. When I prepared my first grocery list to break in my brand new appliances, I thought to myself "I'll probably use these more than anything in this house." And I did. When my newborn baby woke up to eat every hour for the first week of her life, I sat in the corner of my room and cried while I rocked her. The corner that I hated so badly then is the corner that I'll miss more than anything in this house. It hurts my heart to know that I'll never be able to see that corner again. And yes, I know that I'll make tons of new memories in our new home, but I feel that my heart is always going to cling tightly to those first few months in the house on 93rd, and I think I'm allowed to mourn the loss of the "Rocking Corner." We've watched our baby form a personality in this house, and while I'm so looking forward to watching her form a childhood in the new house, I'm clinging tight to our last few weeks here.
I think that's most of the big things. Our baby is growing and thriving. I so wish that I could get her to take a bottle or eat solids again. After her diseased week, she hasn't been interested in anything other than me. It strokes my ego, but at the same time, Solid food helped keep her bowels regular, and despite the blatant information overload, I prefer one dirty diaper a day to one ENORMOUS diaper once every three days. So gross. If this child ever cuts a tooth I might pass out from disbelief. I always think it's right on the edge of cutting and then it disappears again. I hear that I'll wish she had no teeth once she accidentally bites down while eating, and I'm sure that's true, but I ready for my baby to stop having a runny nose and crying with achy gums. It hurts me to watch her hurt. I'm so thankful my parents. They always seem to know when I'm the brink of a meltdown, so they're quick to "need alone time with Ella" to give me a minute to collect my thoughts. Around the middle of month 6, my mom said "Uh, what clothes fit her right now?" After I showed her the 6 onesies that still fit our chunky baby, my Mom promptly took us to Kohl's for outfits that didn't showcase baby cellulite. When my Dad took note of the baby food that Ella showed no interest in, he was quick to raid Target for a brand of baby food called "Ella's Kitchen," and of course she devours it. They always seem to show up with diapers as soon as our stash starts dwindling down. I hate to say that we rely on them, because we could certainly make life work without their support, but date nights would be obsolete, and I don't think I could manage that. I'm equally thankful for my awesome husband, because I know how hard it is to make it work with one income. I know things would be so much easier if we had a double income... but he also recognizes how important it is to me that I don't miss the little things. He knows being Ella's mama is my joy, and he finds a way to make it work. So blessed.
Oh yeah! Ella got another haircut! I tried and tried to soldier through, but it was so uneven and stringy that I took her to our retired hairstylist and said "See if you can give her a bob." And she did. And her hair is so adorable that we just laugh when we look at her. It looks like somebody put a wig on my tiny baby. It's seriously the cutest thing I've ever seen. Ella was a champ through her haircut, and even played nicely with my hairstylist's baby, who's only 3 weeks younger than Ella. It'll be fun to take a picture of them every three months, because it was so crazy to see how they've both changed since November. I love that technology allows me to take a picture whenever I feel like it.
Okay I think that's all. I finally feel like I'm thriving in motherhood. I don't have any problems saying that it took my hormones 6 months to balance back out, because to say otherwise would be a lie. I never really battled post partum depression, but I definitely suffered "dips." I had good days and bad days, but over the last month, I've noticed that even in the heat of the most stressful month of my marriage and motherhood, I had mostly good days. I'm thankful for that. I feel like myself for the first time since November of 2012, and it's been wonderful to have myself back. I see why people do it again. She's so much fun, and somehow, you survive the exhaustion. I don't know that we'll be ready to jump on the train again anytime in the next 15 years, but I see why other people reproduce multiple times. Ella has brought so much joy into our lives, I don't think we could handle double joy. Maybe we could. Basically, I don't know much about the future of our lives, but I know that today, life is wonderful... and I think maybe that's all that matters.
Here's our socktopus picture, see ya next month!
