Actually, that's not true. I'm still significantly more exhausted than my blog claims I was this side of my last pregnancy, but I think there are multiple factors contributing the extended exhaustion. Most of them revolve around a certain one year old with an overwhelming assertion of independence and a mind more stubborn than any mule I've come in contact with... which isn't saying much, as I've never actually encountered a mule. But I have seen Old Yeller, and witnessed their stubborn tendencies, so I feel I can relate.
Every day is a fight when it comes to food with Ella. She's completely obsessed with spaghettio's and ravioli, and after three days of rejecting my alternative lunch options, I sent a frustrated email to her pediatrician saying something along the lines of "Who knows what they even put in most of the crap she's eating and I'm losing my mind because I want healthy things for her and she wants diabetes!" And her pediatrician responded with something along the lines of "LOL You're such a controlling psychopath!" That's a lie. She didn't say that at all, but that's how my brain interpreted it. She really said something like "Right now, she's learning what she likes. Don't stop offering her the things that you want her to eat, but you also don't want her to rely on milk for all of her calories. Choose your battles, and she'll come around." We still eat A LOT of ravioli and spaghettio's around here, but we've learned that she also likes green peas and carrots. She will not touch a potato in any form, and absolutely refuses to eat something if I'm holding the utensil. It doesn't matter if it's ravioli or cake, if Mom is offering it to her, she will not open her mouth. One day, I frustratingly threw the fork down on her tray and went to refill my delicious decaf (sarcasm) coffee, and I looked over to see my THIRTEEN MONTH OLD DAUGHTER eating with the fork I left behind. Homegirl is already utensil trained, and at this point and time, will not eat if she doesn't have a fork. Even if she eats with her fingers and the fork, she will sit and stare at a wall until I give her an eating apparatus. Stubborn. Frustrating. Hysterical. Wonderful. All of these little details result in a beautiful little girl that we adore so deeply. Even on the multiple times a day that I slam my head against the kitchen table and say "GO AHEAD AND STARVE!!!!" I apologize, she Forgives, I forget my apology at the next meal, and we start all over again. The Blessed mundane, I tell you.
As for Gaines #2, we're cruising right along. I felt my first "wiggle" at 15 weeks, only because I knew what to feel for... otherwise I probably would've kicked back an extra cap of pepto bismol. I have adored this pregnancy so far, maybe for the sole reason that 23 out of 24 hours a day, I don't have time to think about it. My priorities are keeping up with the Gaines that has already escaped my uterus, feeding the Gaines responsible for the two, and drinking enough water to maintain my equilibrium. Were it not for this eternal state of "How many hours until Ella goes to bed?", I would probably forget baby was there. I think 79% of my emotions toward my first pregnancy trace back to fear of the unknown. I was afraid of labor, and making toward the next milestone, and prayed every day to make it to week 28, because baby's "survival chances" were a thumbs up. She never ever moved, and I hated it. I lived with a doppler connected to my stomach. I googled every ache and pain in my body. I cried every night because it felt like the longest time frame in my life. And some of those tears were justified. Abdominal surgery and emergency root canals aren't typical pregnancy symptoms... but I also look back and regret my attitude. I resented pregnancy and the miracle that it held inside of it. The baby I ached and cried and prayed for was growing like a weed inside of me, and all I could do was pray for the end. I feel that thirteen months of near exclusive breastfeeding cleared my name and "Bad Mom" card, but I'll never feel that pregnancy again, and I wish I had soaked it in a little more.
That being said, when I saw those two pink lines this pregnancy, I prayed for the Lord to change my heart toward human growing. Well, after the initial "SERIOUSLY?! ARE YOU NUTS!?" prayer. I had a few things to work through. Like joining the two under two club at the ripe age of 25. Like being okay with losing the full night's rest I was only two weeks into getting back. Like feeling like I had been hit by a freight train, but still mustering up energy to care for a 4 year old niece and a 12 month old Turtle. After I moved through those things and realized that the Lord has intricately and purposefully placed this life inside of my womb, at THIS time, for a REASON, I felt a sense of honor to be carrying such an unexpected surprise. Like, "Hey, The Lord chose ME to be your mom, kid." I know it sounds completely crazy to say, but it almost gave me a glimpse of the way Mary must have felt. She endured relentless persecution and judgement, but I still have to wonder about the joy that consumed her heart every time she considered that the Lord CHOSE her. I hope that I always feel this way. When I'm exhausted, when I'm thriving, when I resent Cody for having a job that allows him to leave our house without any carseats, when I regret that Cody has to leave our babies everyday so that I can stay home to raise them. Every day of this insane journey that we're on, the Lord chose me. He cares for me. He knew that I was the absolute best mother for Ella and BG2. He knew that I could handle two under two. He knows that there are going to be days that I absolutely lose my crap and send both of them to their room under the terms of exile. But He also knows that I'll also pursue their hearts, and chase after their dreams, and hold them as long as they'll let me. Good days and certainly irritating days lie ahead, but so does my trust in Jesus.
THAT being said, this kid heard my prayers. It moves NON-STOP. I'm sure as it grows larger and more painful I might eat my words, but right now it's wonderful. I'm tired, but I sleep well. I have weird dreams, but they aren't scary. My back hurts, but not in a crampy way. It's been everything I could have asked for in a pregnancy so far, and I pray it stays this way. But that's really all I can report. Highlights of the past month:
- My Dad graduated college with his Bachelor's Degree! What an accomplishment.
- Ella cut two more teeth, bringing her tooth count to six teeth.
- We know the baby's gender, but I'm waiting for this blasted rain to pass before we announce it.
- Yes, we are pumped and excited. The baby has no name yet...
- Cody put an amazing new floor in the upstairs portion of our home, along with new trim work.
- I cooked dinner almost every night, which is a huge step forward in the energy levels.
- "Scandal" started back up, and really, it was the highlight of my month.
Okay. I think that's all. We are soldiering through over here, and because I'm feeling so jazzy, I'll share a bump picture from week 16.
