Be still.

Life is Funny.

All of the things that you expect to come easily come the hardest. The things that you never expect to happen are the things that happen first. Sometimes that's a really good thing, and sometimes it's a punch to the gut. It's a strange part of life, and most of the time, I'm grateful for it.

Sometimes I'm not so grateful for it. Sometimes I feel like I live my life WAITING for this ONE thing to happen... and then it doesn't. Sometimes I feel like if I could just get my hands around this dream, if I could just see this desire of my heart fulfilled, if I could just see what life would be like for one second, everything frustrating about the journey would be worth it... but maybe I'm just not meant to win a Grammy. Or an Emmy. Or play the lead role in Wicked. =D Just kidding. Sort of.

I'm usually thankful for the waiting period during a time between good and great. Because if I'm being honest, my life has never been bad. It's been uncomfortable and tedious, and with the exception of high school (when EVERY DAY is the worst day of your life,) I've always been thankful for the simple life. 

Until life isn't simple. Until life throws a lot of uncertainty around. Until Life gives you lemons and you can't make lemonade. Until life makes you so downhearted that you finally just stay in bed until you wake up one day. 

And the most difficult part of it all is that I know the answers. I know who's running the show. I know that the Lord is faithful. I know that the Lord hears the cries of my heart. I know that his idea of greatness in my  life is ASTRONOMICALLY and exceedingly beyond anything I could ever comprehend. I know that he hasn't abandoned ship. I know that he is bigger than any obstacle I come against. 

...but where does that leave you while you're waiting? When your heart is expectant and full of hope, and then little by little you wear down until there's nothing left but brokenness. And while everything else about life is great, there's a heaviness inside of your heart that almost makes you crazy because you can't think about anything else. You base all of your decisions on something that isn't guaranteed, and even when you try to exclude it, it still lingers in the back of your mind. 

So what do you do? Where do you stand on the battle between spirit and flesh? Between knowing the Lord won't let go of his promises and Feeling like you've been left in a valley in the dead of night? You can't see the shepherd, and you're too afraid to move because the wolves might attack. You can see the wolves, but the only voice you hear is the shepherd's. What's the next move?

And then I think, why do I have to move. How many times does the bible say to "Be Still"? How many times does the Lord REMIND me that HE is God. That HE is enough. How many times does the bible say "Fear Not"? How many times have I tried to fight my own battles instead of being still?

Why do we do that? Why do we pack our minds full of ground to stand on when things get difficult, only to abandon it as soon as the trials come? Why do we convince ourselves that the same God that delivered Egypt, rescued Jonah, Daniel, three men standing in fire, and countless others won't do the same for us? Why wouldn't he rescue us too? He promised Sarah a baby, and it took like a zillion years, but she sure got herself a baby. The Lord is gracious, merciful, and everything he says he is. And maybe if I learned to shut up and chill, I would see everything he's already done. He's brought me so far, and my story is so much more than love... It's rescue. It's a story of overcoming. Mercy is the melody. Redemption is the song. 

Maybe the Lord really is for me. Maybe the Lord really won't forsake me in my weakest hour. Maybe I'm saying maybe because it's witty, not because it's really a question. 

Maybe we all need reminded of these subtle details every now and then. I know I did. 

"Be still, my soul, Be still....
 Be still, my soul, Be Still...
 Wait Patiently upon the Lord...
 Be still, my soul, Be still..."

---- "Be Still"- Kari Jobe