4. I think one of the funniest things about pregnancy is that you always think you know what to expect... until you're actually pregnant, and then it's literally every man for himself. Or Woman for Herself, if you really want to get technical. The day I found out I was pregnant, I bought "What to Expect When You're Expecting". I read all the way through the first trimester and thought to myself "Well this is going to be miserable." I was only 3 weeks into the process when I found out, after all. As the weeks ticked on, I grew increasingly aware that I wasn't battling morning sickness. I wasn't battling nausea, changes in my baby feeders, or frequent urination. The only symptoms I had were excessive exhaustion, an occasional bout of angry tears when I felt like people were treating me like I was being dramatic, an aversion to food in general, and cramping. Of course, this kept me in a constant state of stress and doom. As my gallbladder started shutting down, the vomiting started, but it was at 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning and after I had taken my prenatal on top of a fattening dinner. I thought that I had "night sickness" and put up with it until the dramatic attack almost 2 months later. Otherwise, my first trimester really would have been a breeze. My second trimester, I still didn't fight issues with excessive tinkle time, I didn't feel "flutters" when the app said I should, and my appetite didn't change at all. I still felt pretty tired most of the time, I had super stretchy ligaments, and I really didn't gain any weight. I consistently chugged water, averaging 4 liters a day, but sometimes more. I always felt like I hadn't had enough water. Other than that, I had a super calm baby, a forgiving weight module, and craved salads or "light foods." The third trimester has been the most "pregnant" of the three. The baby decided that she was done being calm, my back gave up on supporting me, and my legs feel like weights at night. The only time I "frequently urinate" is between the hours of midnight and 6:45 AM, when she lays up against my bladder. The weight gain picked up a little bit, but I've only gained 9 pounds to date. For me, Pregnancy has been 9 months of "Ow," "Are we there yet?," and "I feel like I could sleep for at least 40 hours." I say all of this so that the stranger reading this will know that it's okay not to line up with what your app says. I deleted it when I was about 27 weeks along, and my pregnancy immediately took a turn for the better. I stopped stressing, I stopped obsessing over why my pregnancy seemed so different than what literature said it should have been, and I learned that my pregnancy truly was my pregnancy. My child was always right on schedule, moving wonderfully (she was just laying awkwardly, I never felt her,) and we never received a negative report from the Doctor. So even though there's entirely too much information out there for a pregnant woman to read, try to ignore it and try to relax. Trust that the Lord is present and involved in your baby's life. That's my advice for the newly pregnant woman who stumbled across my incredibly blunt blog.
3. I don't know what you've heard about your pets and pregnancy, but they know. It's eerie, really. I don't want to be one of those creeps that spends thirty-seven minutes talking about my dogs, but I think it's safe to say that Cody and I are "dog people." Our dogs live good lives, sleep inside, generally get scratches whenever they want them, and generally keep us pretty wrapped around their sweet little tails. We know, we know, we won't care about the dogs after Ella is born, but right now, we really like them. I say all of this to say that my dogs are acting CRAZY right now. Well, two of our dogs are acting crazy. I am certain that the third dog is possessed by some sort of dog demon and silently plots my death. Anyway, Ellebelle, the dog that would be considered "mine" in this family, has decided that she hates my face and won't come within 3 feet of me. She ignores me when I call her, locks herself in her cage so that she doesn't have to sit with me on the couch, and is newly obsessed with Cody. It's very, very strange. She generally avoids Cody, remains glued to my side, and gets very upset if I ignore her. I'm not sure how to exist in this universe. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Todd, our obese dachshund, is generally content to be in the room with us, but not really one to cuddle. He generally uses you for scratches until he feels sleepy, then plops down in the floor. Not lately. The dog stalks me. If I'm horizontal on the couch, he tries to lay directly on top of my child. If I'm doing dishes, he lays in the hallway and keeps a close watch. If I step out of his line of sight, homeboy wigs out. I don't know if he knows my litter is coming soon, or if he's just picking up on my discomfort... regardless, it's super sweet, and I'm excessively curious to see if he's protective of the baby after she's born.
2. I just want to say that I can already confirm everybody Else's statement about why people reproduce twice: You forget. I was reading back through my blog, because November feels so long ago these days. I'm not even done with this pregnancy and I already found myself saying "Oh yeah! That was horrible. I hated that part." And I realized, though we've already discussed how different pregnancy is for each woman, for me... the farther along we get, the easier it gets. Maybe your body adjusts to feeling like it got hit by a freight truck. Maybe it's the calm before the storm known as labor. Maybe the Lord knows that we would cease to exist if it didn't become a little more tolerable as it progressed. For me, I think it was knowing that the farther along I made it, the closer to a healthy delivery she was. The first trimester was absolutely horrible. I don't know which part of that was pregnancy and which part of it was a failing organ, and I never will. I do know that the exhaustion was enough to make me feel absolutely crazy... maybe depressed is a better way to describe it. Because we opted to wait until we were done with the first trimester to announce our pregnancy, most of our friends and family just thought I was in a bad mood 24 hours a day. The holidays were exhausting enough without the hormones. And the hardest part of it all was feeling the way I felt, knowing that the Lord was in control, but still fearing that something was going to go dreadfully wrong. Reading back through those first 3 months made me complain a little less about my current predicament. Sure, My back kills me right now. Sleeping through the night stopped about a month ago. Some days, I lay on the couch and I don't move. Other days, the filth of my house sends me into a cleaning rampage. I exhaust easily, and I won't even BEGIN to discuss this heat. But it's all tolerable. My baby responds like a newborn would to most things now. When her Daddy talks to her, she responds to his voice, and it melts my heart. When I haven't felt her move, all I have to do is find a body part (the bigger the baby, the easier knees and elbows are to find) and push a little bit. She immediately adjusts or moves her little appendage from me in an annoyed way. When she's startled by me laughing or speaking louder than usual, she gets the hiccups. When she's uncomfortable, she makes sure I know it. These past few weeks have bonded the two of us, because it's almost like she's kind of saying "Here I am!" with all of her funny little perks and habits. I am absolutely in love with her, and I've already blocked out some of the worst parts of this pregnancy party.
1. Here's my public apology. (As we finish this pregnancy out, I don't know how many more posts I'll be doing, so I may as well do it now.) Back to the apology. Well, I don't even want to use the word apology... Hm. I will change my phrasing. Here is my public explanation. I have been faithful to document every step of this journey, and we have a pretty consistent following of readers. I don't know who you are or where you come from, but there's about 170 of you out there, and you always show up in my page views for each post. In my faithfulness to keep you updated, this meant that you got to see a very detailed, non-sugarcoated version of my pregnancy. Some of you that I know in real life have informed me that I make pregnancy sound horrible. Well... I don't really know what to say to that. It was no walk in the park. I don't know that I've ever met a woman in the middle of pregnancy that said "I wish I felt like this every minute of every day for the rest of my life." Granted, I didn't have a super easy pregnancy. Surgery generally doesn't come with the package unless it involves a sweet newborn at the end of it. I tried to find the balance between "I feel like a bag of crap" and "I'm still thankful for this sweet blessing." Sometimes I was successful, and sometimes I failed. I hope that when you embark down this road in your life, it's easy, breezy, and beautiful. I hope that you have a baby and look forward to multiplying again and again. But don't be surprised when you wake up one day and say "I feel like a bag of crap today." It's better to acknowledge those days. People are already going to walk on eggshells around you, even when you're in a good mood. And as you get close to the end, people are going to start saying "You look like you're ready!!!" and you'll bite your tongue from saying "Nope, that's just my face." It doesn't matter if you feel great or wonderful, people will still find some way to make it seem like you have a sign on your forehead that says "I hate the world!" Even if you're in a GREAT mood, they'll still remind you that you're almost there (even when you're like 19 weeks.) It's something to look back and laugh on, but in the moment, all you want to do is scream "I love my baby and I don't hate the world!" Pregnancy hurts. Pregnancy is exhausting. Pregnancy is hard. Pregnancy is a character building exercise... but it's still such a blessing... To know the Lord trusted you enough to house a child that will pursue Him one day is enough to make me do it again someday... maybe. Maybe not.
That's it. The end of week 36 means that we are officially FULL TERM and could safely have a baby anytime between now and July 19th. Sometimes that's super exciting, other times I think "Get out now. Get out now. Get out now. Get out now." Just kidding. I really do want a July baby. Back when I was newly engaged and plotting our futures when I thought that every aspect of my life would work exactly the way I planned it, I wanted a July baby or an October baby. If we embark down this road again, I will be plotting a birth in the middle of Spring. This summer pregnancy stuff is for. the. birds.
Large Marge Out.
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