1. You will be on an adrenaline rush after the baby is born.
This one is kind of obvious, but it's important to cover all of the bases, here. I suffered through 31 hours if labor, and around hour 27, all I could think about was getting the baby OUT so that I could sleep in peace. I had great plans to hold her until around 11, then send her off to the nursery for a sleep I had been looking forward to since I was about 5 months pregnant. I was going to sleep with reckless abandon, and no one was going to stop me... Except for me, apparently. I was so exhausted that I had transitioned into a super alert state of delirium. I was wide awake after I sent the baby to the nursery, and even though my body was so exhausted that I literally couldn't move any of my limbs, my mind was racing. I was so in love with my baby that my heart was still pounding, I kept looking at pictures of her on My phone, I wiggled my toes in an almost anxious fashion, and I waited for sleep to come. When sleep finally showed up at my door, so did the nursery. It was time to feed my tiny baby, which leads me to my next point.
2. You will not sleep the first night.
The nursery brings your baby to you every two hours (if you're nursing.) This part of the tale is extremely exhausting and extremely hard. You see, your baby doesn't know emotions yet, so all they know is that they've had an especially long day, and they're ready to sleep. I don't know much about newborns, but I have learned that they aren't waking up unless it's of their own accord. Maybe I have a child who likes sleep more than the average bear, but from the day she was born, she would not wake up to eat unless she woke up on her own. This was excruciatingly frustrating, considering that she was sleeping for 4 hours at a time, and the hospital demands the baby eat every two hours. The nursery would not back off, and eventually decided that leaving her in the room was the best thing for me, because that way I could "bond" with her. Don't be me. Page the nursery back to the room and demand that they take the baby. You'll thank me. This leads me to the second half of the sleepless first night: regular nurses. Because I had a c-section, my vitals had to be checked on the hour, every hour. This meant someone coming in my room, checking my blood pressure, temperature, and pulse every time I started to doze off. It was horribly frustrating, but fortunately, they had me on some pretty intense pain killers, so I was fairly unaware of my annoyance. I don't know what happens to the people who deliver naturally, maybe they leave you alone at night, but if you end up being gutted like a fish, prepare for a long night.
3. Breastfeeding is easily the hardest part of post-partum.
I didn't read too much about breastfeeding, mostly because I knew it was a natural experience, but also because I thought it would come easily to me. I was so looking forward to the beautiful moment when my baby daughter would latch on, and I would provide sweet nectar for her to thrive and grow on. That moment didn't come. My daughter opted to take an approach that involved latching on for 2 seconds and sleeping, or latching on for 2 seconds and screaming her head off. I tried for two days straight to feed her, all the while enduring pressure from the nursery to "supplement" her with formula "until we found a rhythm" and going on 5 hours of sleep in 48 hours. I cried and cried every time I tried to feed her, and pondered what was wrong with me as a woman. I couldn't feed naturally, I couldn't deliver naturally, and eventually the hormones had me so depressed that I allowed a formula feeding. While I was wheeling her back the nursery, she threw up every ounce of the formula that they had forced down her baby throat. It smelled awful, broke my heart in two, and rejuvenated my desire to feed her myself. I'll be honest and tell you that it wasn't until I was home from the hospital, exhausted on the couch, and making a half-hearted attempt to feed her while I took a nap that she latched on for the first time. She ate for about 10 minutes and then slept. For 3 hours. Babies really have a mind of their own, and the nursery is going to make you feel like a bad mother if you don't feed your child every 2 hours. I would encourage you to meet with the lactation consultant at the hospital, because she was wonderful to remind me that the baby's stomach is only the size of a marble for the first week of life. They really don't need much, and they'll make sure and let you know when they do. Breastfeeding is hard, feels like the world's most UN-natural thing, and you'll be tempted to give up. Don't. Once Ella got it down, it really did become beautiful to me, and watching her little fat rolls pop up Pushes me to soldier on. It is natural, it IS beautiful, and it's free. Every mom loves free things.
4. You're not as strong as you think you are.
Adrenaline is a funny thing. I was basically sliced in half to deliver my daughter. Doctors cut through skin, muscle, fat... you name it. And I was up and walking around the next day. You're on some INSANE pain killers, and even though you kind of say "Ow" every time you take a step, it's a very tolerable pain. But the pain killers are masking the extent of your pain. If you don't make yourself rest, by the end of day 2 of recovery, you'll be miserable with the pain of trying to move in bed, as they start weaning you off of painkillers so that you can go home the next day. Once again, I don't know how it works for natural births... but c-sections are painful. Don't be me, don't be the hero. Stay in your bed and cuddle your newborn. They smell like heaven.
5. You will be absolutely insane for the first week.
Like, we're talking bi-polar, schizophrenic, and manic-depressive all rolled into one giant blob. I am quite certain that Cody pondered leaving me at the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation. I was very easily stressed, moved to hysterics over things that wouldn't normally bother me, and so exhausted that I had a mini-panic attack on the second night. This is a true story. People had been coming in and out of my hospital room all day long, so I hadn't slept at all. Never mind the fact that I was still running on fumes from labor and the first night. All I could do was cry by about ten o'clock that night. Cody tried hugging me, consoling me, comfort in all of it's forms, but it only made me cry harder. I knew I was acting like an idiot, which only made me madder, which only made me cry harder. Cody knew that if the baby stayed in the room with me again, I wouldn't sleep. He called the nursery, and while I've never hated my husband, I think that watching them roll the baby away was the closest I've ever come to it. I was already crying, but that flipped a switch in my crazy brain, and I was gasping for breath between sobs for about 30 minutes. Cody basically sat in silence on the other side of the room and waited for me to fall asleep. When I finally fell asleep, I didn't move. Even when the nurses came in to check my vitals, I was so tired that the literally had to lift my arm for me to put the blood pressure cuff on. I slept like I've never slept, and even though I hated that they gave Ella formula that night, if I hadn't stopped and slept, I have no doubts that I would have suffered a serious bout of post-partum depression. To be completely honest, I thought that getting home would be the key to feeling like myself again. Nope. When I got home, I realized that I didn't have a doctor to page about every weird thing Ella did. I didn't have nurses there to weigh her and make sure she was eating enough. I didn't have nurses to track my recovery and calm me whenever I felt a weird pain or twinge by my incision. I was on my own, and it felt lonely. I didn't know how to express this without crying, but I didn't want to freak everyone out by trying... So I basically didn't talk for about a week. I knew my parents were concerned, I knew Cody was wondering if he would ever get his wife back, and I absolutely hated the way I felt. It's normal. Your hormones are running rampant, and it takes a week or two to balance out a bit. The first week really is about surviving. Cry when you feel like it, and take showers when you feel like you're about to lose your mind. It helps.
6. The Second night home is the hardest.
The first night was tough, don't get me wrong, But it was manageable because I was prepared for sleepless nights with a newborn. I survived the first night (even though we ended up sleeping on the couch in the living room, and she slept for 3 hours, tops) and didn't rest the next day. I'm going to be really honest with you and say that the whole "Sleep when she sleeps" thing is crap. You're still on a bit of an adrenaline rush from the night before, and you're constantly checking on the baby, even if she's in a cradle right beside you. It takes a couple of weeks before you're okay with letting them sleep without poking them every 10 minutes. When the second night rolls around, you regret not taking a nap immediately. Your body is beginning to shut down, and you'll fall asleep in places you never would have imagined. I fell asleep in the glider with my head hanging down to my chest. I still have a knot in my neck from it. The baby is still trying to establish a routine, and their only source of communication is crying. It's completely okay to cry with them. I know I did. The second night is the night that you'll wonder what you were thinking by choosing to reproduce. This doesn't make you a bad person, and it really doesn't make you a bad mother. It makes you a human being. It means that you're still functioning despite overwhelming exhaustion. It means that you will miss life before the baby, when you could at least sleep for more than 2 hours at a time. It means that the hormones coursing through your body are doing their job. It's a tough time, because you're so thankful for your beautiful baby, but you're so miserably tired. It will be awhile before it becomes "the new normal" and you'll learn how to function again. Hold on!
7. You're not hemorrhaging.
... Just trust me. You're not.
8. There are tools to help you survive.
I have very quickly discovered a couple of baby items that have been our saving grace. I'll share them here, just in case you want to investigate on your own time.
This is where our daughter sleeps for the time being. It started as a "nap" idea, but she has slept like a queen in it since the very beginning. She sleeps in it beside my bed at night, but also uses it for naps during the day. I love it because it's tall enough for me to be able to reach in and grab her at night, but low enough that I can still roll over and look down to make sure shes okay. The cradle keeps her at a slight incline, so she's not flat on her back, and I completely believe that it's a major contributor to her lack of tummy problems. It folds up for travel (I take it to my mom's house when we visit,) and it's super lightweight. I have loved and adored this cradle. I'm so glad we chose it over a bassinet.
This is a nursing pillow called "My Brest Friend..." and it is. It really is. You can't tell from the picture, but each side of the pillow has a small raised pillow for sweet baby heads to rest on while they nurse. The pillow straps around me, which is one of the greatest advantages it carries over the Boppy. The pocket is great for storing cell phones (I use my timer on my phone to track her feedings.) This has been a complete lifesaver for late night feedings, because I'm able to throw her on the pillow and lean against my headboard for feedings. I don't have to worry about holding her up, smothering her if I fall asleep, or keeping her latched. It has been my favorite baby item to date.
Even if you aren't breastfeeding your child, your body still needs the hydration to help recovery. I wish I had known this. I wish I had maintained my gallon of water a day immediately after recovery instead of waiting 2 weeks to start it back up. I'm 3 weeks post-partum, and I've been back on my gallon of water a day for 3 days. I have not suffered a single after-pain... those are real, by the way. After-pains are pains that are similar to light contractions, and it's just your body putting everything back together without your uterus in the way. I noticed them the most while nursing, but since the water is back in my system, I haven't felt them at all. I haven't had an breakthrough bleeding (just being real,) and I feel more like myself than I have since birth. It's no coincidence. It's the water. Stay hydrated... ESPECIALLY if you're nursing, because otherwise you won't produce enough to satisfy your tiny little leech.
10. It gets Better, almost overnight.
I'm not saying it gets any easier to feed a baby at 3 o'clock in the morning, and I'm definitely not saying that it's easy period... but it gets better. You begin to see the fruits of your labor through tiny baby fat rolls, good reports from doctors, and sweet baby grins. Your baby begins to see you as a comforter, and instead of screaming until you feed her, she calms when you pick her up and talk to her. She might scream again a few minutes later, but the satisfaction of knowing that she's beginning to recognize you is one of the most wonderful feelings. The first time Ella smiled at me, the world stopped spinning, and as tired as I was, I spent the next hour looking at her sweet face and wondering how we were ever "the Gaines" without her. Your husband starts treating you like his wife again instead of walking on eggshells around you. You'll find that you enjoy hugging and kissing him again. He'll change the way he loves you, and it's all because he loves you as his child's mother, which is a new, tender kind of love. He'll still tease you and playfully tap your behind when he walks by, but you'll notice that he hugs you a little longer, and kisses your cheek a little more often. You'll feel so incredibly adored that you won't care about the strange new shape of your stomach. The only thing you'll care about is this new dynamic to your marriage, and eventually you'll smile every time you realize that you're a family instead of a couple. Everything about your world is different, but somehow, it feels like the most natural thing in the world. The feedings and constant sleepy kind of become part of the new normal, and you start to feel like yourself again. Eventually, the baby sleeps for 4 hours at a time instead of thirty minute intervals, and those extra two hours feel like twelve. Ella is a wonderful sleeper, and she has been since our fifth night at home, but I try not to brag about that, because I know others that have 6 week old babies that are still up every 2 hours. Every baby is different, and hopefully yours is going to be a dream, but be thankful for the 4 hour stretches. I know I am.
Okay. That's probably enough. There are other things that go on that weren't appropriate for blogging, but I'm still thrilled to discuss them if you have questions. In the meantime, prepare yourself, ask the Lord to prepare your heart, and Sleep while you can. Cliche advice, but you'll wish you had listened.
Medium Marge Out.
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