I don't have kids, you know....

I would first like to say that this blog Layout is sad and I don't think I can commit to blogging if things stay this way. Help.

It's Valentines Day on Monday! I love Valentines Day, even if the rest of the world thinks it's just an excuse for "Hallmark to make money"and that it's "National Single Awareness day." I happen to believe that it is a day that forces you to get out of the routine that you don't even realize your married life has become. It's a day to recognize that you have been blessed with the opportunity to Love somebody with all of your heart, and I don't care who you are, everybody takes that for granted every now and then. We don't stop and say "Hey, Thank you for loving me when you hate me, and for sticking around when it would be easy to walk away, and thanks for still hugging me when I don't smell the greatest." We get so lost in work, homework, financial burdens, and remembering to eat at some point every day that we don't remember that on the night we got engaged or became "Cody and Kaylea," there was this uncontainable joy that we were so sure we would never be able to lose or forget about. That's usually the last thing on my mind on the days that Cody and I don't see eye to eye. All I can think about most of the time on those days is "Lord, what do I need to change about myself to not be so crazy!? What am I doing that makes me so impossible to deal with today?!?! Can you please just make me a little thicker skinned? I really don't understand what I did to you for you to make me so emotional!" And I can't help but think that the Lord rolls his eyes at me and says "You have a uterus...." (Yes. I believe the Lord rolls his eyes at me and responds with something sarcastic about my female anatomy.) I just don't think he and I could have such a wonderful love affair if he wasn't a little bit sarcastic. I think that this "commercial," "stupid," "waste of money" holiday is a beautiful "waste of a holiday." It's a day to remember that you HAVE a valentine. It's a day to remember that somebody is willing to deal with you and your uterus. It's a day to remember that everyday that you wake up beside each other and everyday that you can't stand the sight of each other...it's all apart of this Love Story that was so intricately and wonderfully designed before you were ever born...and that's worth celebrating.

That being said, my Love Story is exhausting lately, but it's been so wonderful for Cody to come sweeping in on his white horse to rescue the overly emotional princess. I really felt like I was going crazy for a few days...but in his own way, he showed me that my hormones have the issues, not me. When I finally came to the conclusion that I was going to survive and not die of an estrogen overdose, my grateful brain started thinking about the day I decided I had a crush on him. We had worked together for about a year and had never really given the other the time of day. I was in a band (we were totally meant for fame) and Cody recorded us for a demo. I noticed how hot he was when I finally had a conversation with him that night.Over the next week or so there was some pretty heavy flirtation, but neither of us really acknowledged the elephant in the room (which is kind of a dumb expression, because if there was an elephant in the room, I can assure you that I would not be.) The next day at work, my mom came in and talked about some pretty girl with a kid hugging on Cody in the Odessa Store (I worked in Midland.) Of course this was not acceptable to my flirt laws, so I picked up the phone to chew on him for flirting with me if he was going to be hugging all over some chick with a kid. But when he picked up the phone, the only thing I could say was "...I don't have a kid, you know." Famous last words.

It was another month before we became official, and we went out on a limb when we chose to begin our love affair. He had just accepted a job in Abilene and was expected to leave in February (we started dating in November). I was starting college with the goal of heading to A&M by the next fall. He was 6 1/2 years older than me and a little nervous to tell my dad that he had the hots for his 18 year old daughter. "Um, Hey Derrick..er...Mr. Derri...Killam. I know that I am your employee and that I just told you that I would go to Abilene to manage the store...and I'm totally thrilled...but um, I would like to date your daughter until then. Just Look at the bright side, it's only three months from now and then I'm out like a set of rims at a puff daddy concert. And I know I'm like 75 years older than her and that she graduated like 6 months ago, but what can I say?... when we kissed there was fireworks."

It didn't go that way at all...at least I don't think it did. I never asked. All I know is that dad said yes. Cody and I both had battle scars from previous relationships and didn't know anything about how to be in a functional relationship, but we decided it was worth a shot anyway. Talk about falling fast, but that's another story.

The point of this novel is that I don't see Valentines Day as "Valentines Day." I've started referring to it as "Reminder Day." I don't expect diamonds. I don't expect romance from my farm boy. I just expect a date where I'm allowed to Be corny. To Be dumb. To Be annoyingly affectionate like the days before we shared a checking account. To Remember the journey that brought us together. To Restore the joy of the early days. I know that my excitement for this date has allowed me to remember so many memories from the last two years, and I can't wait to see that hunk of burning love later when he gets home from San Antonio. Embrace the memories and the future at the same time. Sure, your best days are ahead of you, but don't forget what brought you to them.