I love my husband more than anyone in the world. In the WORLD. He makes me laugh. He frustrates the crap out of me. He inspires me as a believer. He makes me feel more pride on a daily basis than anything else. My husband is as simple as simple gets. Black and White. I am complicated. I can find all of the colors of the rainbow in the "shades of Grey." I love the Lord for creating two people who balance each other out so well.
We started dating "officially" on November 24, 2008. On December 19, I had just met his mom (the first girl to meet his mom since high school, mind you.) We had spent the day Christmas shopping for our families and giving each other opinions about what to buy the family members that neither of us knew very well and attending his niece's birthday party (we hit 3 pretty intense milestones in one day. We're hardcore that way.)
We ate dinner with his mom and her husband and we went back to his house. We watched "ELF" to kick off the holiday season and I noticed he wasn't as talkative as he normally was. He drove me home that night and we laughed at the fact that EVERY light we came up on turned red. We lived on opposite sides of Odessa at the time and it was a pretty long drive with all of those lights. We finally got home and I was creeping up on my curfew (mom was hardcore that way). I kissed him in a hurry and started to jump out of the car. I turned around to say goodnight and out of nowhere I started to say "I love---GOODNIGHT." I ran in the house bright red and swore that I would never make eye contact with him again. That worked out about as well as stupid promises ever do, but thankfully he didn't acknowledge it the next day. He drove me home the next night and as I was getting out of the car, he grabbed my arm before I got out and said "I love you." Just as cool as cool could be. I didn't really know what to say, even though my heart screamed "YOU LOVE HIM TOO, YOU IDIOT!" And I smiled. And I said, equally cool, "Really?" Almost in a "Oh, yeah? That's cool I guess. I mean, lifetime commitment, whatever." And he said "Yep. I do. I'm in love with you." And I said "I love you too." Although my heart was pounding and my stomach skipped butterflies and went straight to an anchor inside of it. And I said "Okay. Well. See you tomorrow." "See ya, K."
And that's all I have to say about that. Let's fast forward 11 months to the proposal, shall we?
We had just finished decorating my mom and daddy's Christmas tree at their house. Before that, we had been in the car for 7 hours after visiting his family on the farm for thanksgiving. Before that, we had spent the weekend revealing my true city girl to his family that hadn't met me before. I still don't understand why he didn't dump me. We were in a hurry to get home because his mom was lovely enough to buy us a Christmas tree for his house. I had been buying things for this tree since September. It was a sad little tree. It was Six feet tall and thin…and so, so bare. But it was OUR tree. I refused to take no for an answer when he suggested we wait until the next day to decorate. We started about 9 o'clock and it took 2 hours to put all of those decorations on that tree (It still looked bare to me, so I went back and bought MORE the next day, but that's irrelevant.) We listened to Bing Crosby and Buble serenade us with Christmas Music. I noticed that Cody was walking around with his hands in his pockets. The man wouldn't chill. He walked up and down the hall and totally missed the "lighting of the tree." I plopped down in the floor and stared at the tree. I smiled as he sat down behind me and kissed my cheek. I said "It's pretty, huh?" and he didn't respond immediately. Then he said "Ya know what's prettier?" And there was my ring. Right in front of me. Just like that. I'll spare you of all the kissing that followed, but that was that. We were engaged. No speeches, No plans, No witnesses. We were just engaged.
When I envisioned my proposal, I saw Christmas lights. I imagined frigid temperatures (yes, in west texas). I saw people watching from afar. I saw him on one knee. I saw me looking all kinds of fabulous. I imagined dancing after. I didn't imagine my hair thrown up in a ponytail. I didn't imagine my makeup to have that "12 hour" look to it. It was probably 70 outside.... but it was perfect. I will have the intimacy of THAT moment forever. I will have the sweetness of going from one phase of our relationship to the other with such a simple question. There was not a soul in sight. The only things that celebrated with us were the dogs, and they slept through the entire thing. It was Cody and Kaylea, alone in that moment, thrilled beyond all reason to be in the company of each other. And for one of the only times in our relationship, Life was simple. Life was calm. Life made sense.
I cherish that moment more than I cherish any romantic thing he ever did. I kind of wonder if the Lord cherishes those simple intimate moments with us more than anything else. Those moments where everything else fades away and I realize that in that moment, it's me and the Lord. Anything else that mattered before becomes insignificant and I stop talking long enough just to feel the comfort and the peace of a God who loves me more than anything. Those moments where even if only for few moments, he is sufficient. Those moments where I let go of everything that I'm holding onto because I'm not strong enough to believe that God will handle it. Those moments of surrender are the sweetest moments in my personal walk with the Lord and I believe with my whole heart that he longs for them. I fight that battle everyday because let's be honest, sometimes life is tough. It's easier to trudge through than to smile and say "Lord, you handle it." Waiting is a hard game. I struggle every day with what I feel like I'm being cheated out of. But I'm not here for the things of earth. I'm here to learn to love my Jesus the way I love my husband. To trust my Jesus the way I trust my husband. To be willing to throw all caution to the wind and jump into the plan that the Lord so intricately designed before I was ever born. Yes... life is crazy, but the Lord works it out. I don't know how. But I know he's in control. Of my life. Of this crazy country. Of Japan. Of Haiti. Of Libya. Of this ENTIRE universe. I know he is faithful. I know he is constant. I know he is sovereign. And in that light, his eye is on some dumb bird that taunts me every morning while I walk to my car. His eye is on an ant that bit the snoz out of my foot. His eye is on the hurting and the broken. His eye is on the generation that will turn and seek his face before he comes back for his bride. His eye is on me, and as long as I keep that in mind, getting through today seems pretty simple.
You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, LORD, you know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me; your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. ---Psalm 139:1-16
No comments:
Post a Comment