I wish I had a specific reason. I wish that there was a valid explanation for my irritability. I wish I could explain why I snap back at innocent questions. I'm not totally proud that I've rolled my eyes at least 30 times today. I'm just having an off day. I'm irritated that I still haven't heard from my doctor. I'm irritated that I still can't manage to find my appetite. I'm irritated that it's only January and Duck won't come around until July. I'm irritated that my husband has suffered for almost a week with a fever that just won't quit. I'm irritated that the pharmacy wouldn't give me a flu shot without Doctor's consent. I'm really just irritated to be awake today. And honestly, I'm kind of glad to have one of these days. I've tried so hard to be a happy pregnant person in public, but today, I love that I can just be the woman nobody else wants to be around. I'm glad that I still love this tiny sweet baby, but I see that some days, it's going to annoy me. I'm annoyed that I can't eat, because I feel that my appetite was fairly healthy up until baby came around. I don't think that baby's intentions are of hateful nature, but it's easier to blame the baby. I'm having a bad day, and I think it's a good thing to have bad days, because it makes the good days so much sweeter. In about two hours, I get to see my baby again for the second time this week, and it makes me so excited every time I think about it. Pretty cool thing to happen on a no good, dirty rotten, very bad day.
Today is Friday, and This Pregnancy has become a very real part of my mindset.
Be still, my heart. I wasn't going to talk too much about my second ultrasound, because I didn't think the feelings would be too different 24 hours later. My heart is captivated. We had a 4d ultrasound of our sweet, annoyed baby. We started the sonogram just in time for our baby's nap, and it was less than impressed with the noise the machine made. Though silent to us, the tech told us we could only look for about 15 minutes because to baby, the noise is equivalent to standing next to a helicopter with no ear protection. Poor baby. At the beginning our session, the kid wouldn't turn over. We got a great view of the back of it's lumpy head, back, and buttocks. After a surprisingly painful shaking of my stomach with the ultrasound... wand? The baby finally rolled over and showed us its terrifying partially formed face. The tech prepared us for our Alien vs. Predator baby, so it wasn't a matter of thinking something was wrong... but it was surprising none the less. It was fun to laugh at the baby's face already changing expression, and while I know the baby wasn't actually smiling, it looks like it is grinning in every picture we have. It would give the gender away if I posted one, but I will in a couple of weeks. I was in awe of the baby, and that it formed inside of me, and the only thing I really did was feed it. It is an incredible, humbling thought that the Lord is so sovereign in our lives. We saw the heart beating inside of the chest, fingers covering the face, a sweet mouth opening and closing, and even a tiny brain. We saw every detail of our little one's being, and our hearts are in awe of everything God is capable of. The tech was blown away by how big the baby's feet were (and they really are HUGE), and laughed whenever we saw the baby's profile. Believe what you will about all babies looking the same, but this baby has its daddy's nose. IDENTICAL noses. Even Cody acknowledged the eerie similarity. And that just makes my heart take flight. To see all organs, to get a bill of perfect progress, and to see a little bit of my husband in the face of my baby was enough to bring this pregnancy to life... and I give glory to God for it.
Today is Monday, and I survived a painfully long weekend.
On Friday afternoon, I noticed one of my teeth was aching a little bit. Nothing severe, but enough make me take a Tylenol before bed. Saturday morning, I woke up with a super intense pain in my tooth, causing a sharp ache in my ear. I looked in the mirror at my tooth, and almost passed out when I noticed half of it missing. It was an ugly, grody mess of nasty, and I sincerely have no idea how I didn't notice the tooth decaying. There was no pain until Friday night, even when I ate or drank something cold or sugary. Saturday, I kept a heating pad on my cheek, and didn't move from the couch. Sunday, I still had a pretty bad ache, but fortunately, it was out of my ear. This morning I woke up to little to zero pain, but I called the dentist anyway. He scheduled me for an emergency appointment (sometimes the preggers card has it's advantages) and performed a root canal this afternoon. I am confident that the baby is fine, and any doubts I had were diminished by the reassuring dentist. I'm pretty easy breezy this afternoon, but I was very stressed this weekend. My spirit was pretty worn down between the pending gallbladder extraction, the root canal, the pain from my gallbladder, and a long line of pregnancy complaints. Most days, I feel like I can't catch a break, and it's hard not to stay in a place of sadness. It's a really difficult position to be so relieved that my body is taking care of the baby before me, but at the same time, feel like my body is failing me. I know that the Lord has His hand on the situation, and that there are far worse battles we could be fighting... but in the day to day war, sometimes it's hard not to feel defeated.
Today is Wednesday, and Things are looking up.
Yes, I missed Tuesday. I worked until it was time to have a consult with the surgeon yesterday, and then I was so overwhelmed that I didn't feel like talking to anyone...or anything...or typing to anyone...or anything. Basically, the surgeon said it's kind of a 50/50 risk I'm taking. If my gallbladder doesn't bother me now, that doesn't mean that when I'm 30 weeks pregnant it'll still be easy breezy. If my gallbladder finally gives up at 30 weeks, that means that it's too late for surgery laparoscopically, and that I'll basically be gutted from my rib to my hip, and the baby is at an increased risk. Of course, being a surgeon, when explaining why it was better to do the surgery now, he also had to tell me the risks of doing the surgery now. This basically involved a few short (but dramatic) things, such as knicking the uterus with the scope, the anesthesia putting me into labor, or the baby being in distress. WELL SIGN ME UP FOR SURGERY, DOC! I was in tears. I knew that it needed to come out, and I've known that... but hearing all of the risks it was to baby was just about enough to make me run and never come back. Plus, we've been fighting insurance all week, PLUS I found out he's doing the surgery in about a week. That's right, surgery on Valentines Day, folks. I love Valentine's day. I don't care what all the single and bitters say about it being a commercialized, pointless holiday. Get off of your high horse. I found a man that loves me, pursues me, and makes me feel cherished every day of our marriage...but to spend a date with the man once a year DEDICATED to celebrating that? You won't hear me complain. Perhaps if we all dedicated our lives to celebrating the victories of our (and other people's) marriages, the day-to-day grind would be a little less tedious. *steps off of soapbox* Anyway, Valentines Day isn't Valentines Day without dinner and a movie (sometimes we even set up a picnic in the living room if we don't feel like fighting the crowds.) And it just makes the preggers sad. It's true. I'm not sorry. Fortunately, the procedure is fairly simple, and we go home the same day. I'll be a on a liquids diet, then a soft foods diet...and hopefully after that we can have a belated day of love celebration. Let me tell ya, I'm pretty excited to just be pregnant again.
Today is Thursday, and Round Ligament Pain is wretched (said like Nicki Minaj.)
SO, I missed the memo that I'm supposed to be aware of my body while I'm asleep. Did you know that during pregnancy, you can't just roll over in your sleep? Did you know that if you're in a comatose state and you roll over like you have every night for the last 22 1/2 years, you'll awaken in a confusing state of agony? It's true. Last night, I started to roll over and felt a bit of a twinge, so I was in the confused state of asleep and awake when I rolled the the rest of the way... Oh. My. Word. The pain. It was terrible. I guess it's normal, and your ligaments apparently don't like to be caught off guard when you sleep.Every pregnant woman I've talked to has laughed and said "You'll never roll over the same way again. Even when the baby is here." Thanks for the encouragement! APPARENTLY I'm supposed to A. Sit up and Turn over, or B. Turn with my legs, then my body. Yeah, I don't know how that is going to work either, but it's part of the journey, I guess. So, I survived my first ligament attack only to combat leg pain shortly after. Not the charley horses everyone warns me about... it felt like growing pains, except a little more intense. There's a lot of debate about what causes the leg cramps... some say it's because of the extra weight. Others say the blood vessels have a difficult time circulating as quickly because of how cramped everything is. Whatever it is, it only goes away when I sleep with a pillow between my knees. So now I have a knee pillow, a back pillow, two pillows for my head, and a pillow by my feet. To say that it's a little cramped is an understatement. It's funny how a woman's mind transitions as she's pregnant. This side of two months ago, I would have been on the phone trying to find what would be causing these problems... the past week, I've rolled my eyes and thought "I JUST WANT TO SLEEP, BABY!!!" The transition was slow, but I've stopped worrying about every little thing, and things have relaxed a lot around my house.
Okay, there's week 16! Four months of the party are completed. Here's the bump! I know, it came out of NOWHERE!
Today is Thursday, and Round Ligament Pain is wretched (said like Nicki Minaj.)
SO, I missed the memo that I'm supposed to be aware of my body while I'm asleep. Did you know that during pregnancy, you can't just roll over in your sleep? Did you know that if you're in a comatose state and you roll over like you have every night for the last 22 1/2 years, you'll awaken in a confusing state of agony? It's true. Last night, I started to roll over and felt a bit of a twinge, so I was in the confused state of asleep and awake when I rolled the the rest of the way... Oh. My. Word. The pain. It was terrible. I guess it's normal, and your ligaments apparently don't like to be caught off guard when you sleep.Every pregnant woman I've talked to has laughed and said "You'll never roll over the same way again. Even when the baby is here." Thanks for the encouragement! APPARENTLY I'm supposed to A. Sit up and Turn over, or B. Turn with my legs, then my body. Yeah, I don't know how that is going to work either, but it's part of the journey, I guess. So, I survived my first ligament attack only to combat leg pain shortly after. Not the charley horses everyone warns me about... it felt like growing pains, except a little more intense. There's a lot of debate about what causes the leg cramps... some say it's because of the extra weight. Others say the blood vessels have a difficult time circulating as quickly because of how cramped everything is. Whatever it is, it only goes away when I sleep with a pillow between my knees. So now I have a knee pillow, a back pillow, two pillows for my head, and a pillow by my feet. To say that it's a little cramped is an understatement. It's funny how a woman's mind transitions as she's pregnant. This side of two months ago, I would have been on the phone trying to find what would be causing these problems... the past week, I've rolled my eyes and thought "I JUST WANT TO SLEEP, BABY!!!" The transition was slow, but I've stopped worrying about every little thing, and things have relaxed a lot around my house.
Okay, there's week 16! Four months of the party are completed. Here's the bump! I know, it came out of NOWHERE!
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