Have you ever been worried about having an ugly child? Like, you'll look at it and say "Hmmmm." And other people will look at it and say "Oh, look how big you are!" or the liars in your life will say "What a Cutie!" ...But deep down inside, you know. You know that the kid has a huge nose and bug eyes and an oddly shaped head. I've always wondered how I would combat that. But I don't really worry much about it these days, because I already know I've been suckered in. I know that even if I know she looks like a cavebaby, she'll be beautiful to me; because I made her, and it sucked the life out of me for nine months.

This has been a hard week for me as a pregnant woman in the homestretch. I've had a horribly difficult time  controlling my whining, and I get super irritated if Cody doesn't baby me when I'm feeling blue. In the midst of my irritation, I know that he's a man and that he'll never understand what it's like for a baby to make a woman so happy and so miserable in the same breath. Just last night at the dinner table, I made it about 6 bites into my food before Ella started Jazzercising. I have a really difficult time eating while she's moving that much (it just makes me feel a little nauseated), and by the time she calmed down fifteen minutes later, I felt so full that eating another bite of dinner was just impossible. So I was fairly irritated, and then I looked at my sausage fingers, and my purple swollen feet. Then the baby shot an appendage up into my rib cage right about the time I realized how sweaty and gross I felt. And then my ant bite stings started itching... and in THAT moment, the world started tumbling down around me. And the tears fell. Not a hysterical cry... just enough that the tears fell rapidly and consistently. When Cody came back into the room, I immediately recognized the "Oh Crap" stance that he took... not because he was annoyed with me, but because he knew he was on thin ice, and whatever he chose to do was either going to make the situation better or worse. He chose to hug. Hugs are always good for a pregnant woman. Then he walked me to the couch and told me to put my feet up. And I was okay after that. I think that sometimes, it's just better to cry.

It's so hard to be so in love with your sweetest baby and so ready to stop being pregnant. It's sincerely one of the hardest lines to walk. Don't let anybody tell you that you'll love being pregnant everyday, because you won't. I have sincerely enjoyed my pregnancy more over the last 6 weeks than I could have possibly imagined, but there were days in the midst of it all that I was just ready to be done. Those days are becoming more frequent. I want to sleep on my stomach, have a glass of wine, enjoy a scalding bubble bath, and be able to move freely without somebody saying "Be Careful!" I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Pregnancy is closer to a year of life than farther away from it. It's hard, surprisingly painful, and full things that nobody warns you about in the books. The key to preventing teen pregnancy is developing a pill that makes you feel the way you do in your first trimester or your third trimester. The exhaustion alone is enough to make me REALLY consider making Ella my only offspring.

People always laugh when I say that. Apparently, I'm going to hate being pregnant until the second I see her. Then I'm going to hold her and smell her baby head (I can already testify that few things in this world smell better than a newborn baby)... and I'll forget it all. I'll be willing and enthusiastic about giving her a sibling. I've made a very conscious effort to document the good, the bad, and the ugly on this blog. Even if I forget, I'll read it to remember.

The blog is late this week because I've been battling about sharing details about my latest appointment, but the entire purpose of the blog is to keep you informed. I know that I stalked a few pregnancy blogs before I was even pregnant because I wanted to know what to expect. So, I'll share our latest adventure in pregnancy.

Basically, I've felt a little wonky for the past few weeks. Mostly because of the swelling in my feet. I don't know if you've ever dealt with swelling, but it kind of feels like your skin is going to rip into shreds every time you take a step. My feet were always the worst at work because my legs were too short to reach the floor, so they dangled all day. Blood and fluid pooled, and then they turned purple. I would come home from work and put them up for about an hour, but then I would be back up and around to cook dinner, making them swell right back up. Last week, I noticed my hands felt uncomfortably hot. I looked down and they were sausage fingers, and beet red... except around my knuckles, where they were white. It was miserable. I hated how my hands felt. On top of that, I spent all day typing at work, so when I got home at night, carpal tunnel syndrome kicked in (a totally normal pregnancy symptom, btw) and they tingled. I kept my hands submerged in ice, and felt like I was losing my mind for whining about it all so much. I'm pretty sure I accomplished nothing of true substance of work last week, and I was already looking for reasons to quit sooner. I skipped the blog Thursday because I was being such a negative nancy. At the doctor's appointment Friday, I felt surprisingly zazzy, even though my hands were already starting their nonsense at 9:00 in the morning. They weighed me (I've gained 7 pounds to date) and then took my blood pressure. I wasn't paying any attention because I was looking at the wall of hysterical pamphlets. The nurse said "Is it always that high?" and when I looked over at the machine, the stat read 135/89. I said "WOAH!" and then "No." Which is true, I check my blood pressure at home with a really good machine. Truth be told, my blood pressure has been up the entire pregnancy. I attributed it to the gallbladder in the second trimester, because it dropped after we took the thing out. But it's gradually been climbing again since. I was dreading the conversation with the doctor, but when he came in the room, he said "Hey, so you're 33 weeks." and I said "Why yes, I am." and he smirked. He listened to Ella's heartbeat and said "Alright, I'll see you in 2 weeks. We'll be doing your strep swab then." *shudder*

And he walked out of the room. I debated whether or not I should catch him, mostly because I was shocked he didn't say anything about my blood pressure. I knew my husband would wring my neck if I didn't say anything after all of the whining I did, so I called the doctor back in and asked him what I could do for swelling in my hands. He kind of looked at me, then took my hands. He did all sorts of poking and squeezing, and looked at my feet. Fortunately, they were looking a little purple as well, so he sighed and said the following:

"Well, your blood pressure has gradually been climbing for this entire pregnancy. I haven't said anything because it isn't something you should obsess over. Swelling is a normal part of pregnancy, but swelling that badly in your hands is not a good thing. You're going to have to put them above your head, and if you're not at a place at your job that you can do that, it's probably time to consider maternity leave. I don't want you to stress out, but these are symptoms of pre-eclampsia, and we don't want to mess around with that. I'm not diagnosing you, but I want you to start coming in weekly instead of waiting two weeks. I don't want you to worry. Pre-eclampsia happens in 1 out of every 10 pregnancies. I know exactly what to watch for. So I'll see you next week."

But all I heard was:

"You suck at growing humans. First, your gallbladder gave out. Now you've got pre-eclampsia. Thank you for being such a worthless human being. You may as well quit working so that you can lay on the couch and not contribute to your family's well being. Now I have to see you every single week instead of on a regular schedule. Also, tell your body good job for doing a terrible job at taking care of itself while you're pregnant."

So I've been in a super weird place for the last few days. I've left my job earlier than anticipated, battled my mother daily about what's considered "Overdoing it," missed my husband immensely because these have been those days where his arms are the only place I wanted to be (he's at camp leading street youths to Jesus,) and pondered why the Lord made me the 1/10. Most days, it feels like if it's a risk in pregnancy, I'm a prime candidate for it. And that's hard. It's so hard to watch your friends have simple, surgery free pregnancies, and know that yours is considered "a hard pregnancy" to doctors. I feel like less of a woman, because my body can't do the one thing that a woman should be able to do without it sucking the life out of me. I hate how it makes me feel. I hate that I can't "nest" because my body exhausts so easily. I hate that I have to have my parents do things for me because it's too risky for me to do it myself (you know, like go to the grocery store.)

Of course, my body took this as a cue to go ahead and pile on a little bit of misery. Since my appointment, there have been ligaments stretching in a more painful way than I've dealt with to date. I've felt nauseous almost every minute of every day because my torso is just short enough that my enormous child compresses my stomach all of the time, making me feel sick. My hips have given up on supporting me in bed, and my loose joints make my back hurt all of the time. All since Friday. It's been a hard, hard, hard three days. I didn't want to tell anyone because even though my blood pressure is completely out of my control, you still get a lot of really judgemental looks while you're pregnant and there's a complication. July 19th has never felt farther away. And now that I have seven weeks to sit and stare at the wall, it's enough to make me cry just thinking about it.

So what does it all mean? If my blood pressure won't chill out, I won't be able to have Ella naturally. It's riskier for me to try and push her than to be sliced in half on an operating table. It means bedrest if I can't get my stuff together, and it means that she might come early. These don't seem major problems, but I've already had my stomach cut open once this pregnancy, I don't look forward to it again. It means in a future birth, it's another c-section. It means that it's just another thing that I had planned spiraling completely out of my control. So I ask for your prayers as we venture down the path of the final seven weeks of this pregnancy. Pray for my sanity while I stay "chill," pray for Cody as he tries to not seem like such a busy body around somebody that already feels lazy, and pray for sweet Ella, as she still has some growing to do before she can come and cuddle with me.

That's where we are at the moment. The bump picture this week is a selfie (I hate that I took a selfie. I'm so ashamed.) But Cody wasn't around to take it and now that I'm unemployed, I can't take them at work. I even made sure there were cliche water spots in the picture. Please judge me. I can't stand selfie pictures.

 

 

Large Marge Out.

 



Week 31

Well, this has certainly been an exhausting week.

On Friday, I woke up with another headache at the base of skull. It was relentless! I took Tylenol on every 4 hours and it didn't phase it at all. I can only assume that my neck is suffering the consequences of the way I have to sleep these days, but let me tell you, I've had about enough of these headaches. I had to soldier through though, because some of our sweetest friends threw a diaper shower for Cody, and it was an evening full of laughter and youtube. Because what's a party without competing to find the funniest youtube video? We really do have the wittiest of friends, and the intricate details of the shower further reminded us of why we're so thankful for them. I loved seeing Cody interact with his man friends, and I'm thankful that he'll have people to call when our sweet baby is screaming at the top of her lungs and I'm crying hysterically and all he can do is observe the chaos. It's nice to know that he'll have a friend that can tell him "Take the baby away from Kaylea, tell her to go and take a shower for the first time in 9 days, and bounce that screaming child from one end of your house to the other." He'll need that. I'll need that. I'm glad that he has people who have walked this road before him and can tell him in the calmest of voices:  "Sometimes they scream..." I only hope that Cody's hair survives the excessive head scratching ahead. That's Cody's nervous habit. It's only of my favorite things about him. He normally says "Hmmm" and then uses his top knuckles to scratch the side of his head. My nervous habit involves drumming my fingertips together. It's not as interesting or fun to watch. Anywho, after another pregnancy induced rabbit trail, we had a wonderful evening celebrating Cody's transition from Husband to Daddy. He's going to be wonderful.

 
 I laughed and laughed at this card. You'll recall Cody's baby name choice was Zanella, so our punch was delightfully named accordingly.  
 
 









This was our fun dessert table. So attentive to fun details. I loved the flowers on the table!


 







This was Cody's man food bar. Wings were devoured by the females as well.








He got a few boxes of 5 hour energy. We laughed, but also died inside a little bit thinking about the sleep we'll be losing.

 
I don't know about this goofy look he's giving, but isn't his diaper toolbelt TOO cute?!


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
On Saturday, I woke up to another headache. At 7:30 in the morning. When I rolled over to check the time, Cody was creepily staring back at me. I guess we were both rested enough to be wide awake, so we laid around until 8 and then got up to begin one of the busiest Saturday we've had in quite some time. One of my dearest friends, my wonderful sister-in-law, my brother's amazing woman, and my lovely boss came together to throw me a baby shower that completely blew my mind and exceeded all expectations. I requested Pink and Navy as the theme colors, but that was the only thing I was allowed to know. One of my favorite thing about Ella's name is that her daddy has shoved Elephants on her since the very beginning. One of his nicknames for our sweetest baby is "Ella-phant," and so I was thrilled when I walked into the shower to see elephants EVERYWHERE! Elephant cupcakes, elephant diaper cakes, elephant cake, elephant wrapping paper... elephants took the place over. It was wonderful! Alyssa took so many wonderful pictures, so I had to combine them into collage form in order for the blog to let me post them. Here's a peek at our day!

 

 

There was something about seeing the carseat that made everything real. I was suddenly aware that we were there to celebrate this tiny human in my uterus... the tiny human that I grew. I couldn't look at the carseat because I got pregnant and hormonal, but it was truly insane to know that in just a few short weeks, this baby would be in my arms, forever attached to my heartstrings. I made it through the shower with no tears shed, which I was thankful for, because I've never understood pregnant folk who cry through their gifts. My sweet niece was so excited to help me open my gifts, and as frustrating as it was to calm her down repeatedly, it was a sweet memory for me. I sweat most of my body weight off during the shower, and I was so thankful for my paper plate fan. I don't know if it was because I was in front of a room of people, because I'm pregnant, or because it was just that hot, but I've never been so miserably uncomfortable in a dress. My thighs were sticking together, my hair was clinging to my face, I was praying that my deodorant held up, and I counted down the seconds until I could put my ghetto shorts on. I started feeling a little wonky because I was surrounded by food that I neglected to eat (there was no time!) and somehow managed to eat two pieces of orange cake at the end of the shower. My sugar spiked and I started feeling shaky. You know how it is. I was also WAY behind on my water intake for the day, and my excessively sweaty pits probably didn't do much to keep me hydrated. I was ready to be at home and sprawled across my couch by the shower's end. I want to take a moment to say that I applaud those of you that waited to have your shower between weeks 34 and 36. I am not as brave or as strong as you are. I was worn completely out when it was all said and done, so I am thankful we knocked it out during week 31.

After a sandwich and two liters of water at my house, I started feeling a little more human. I wanted a nap, but Cody's sweet family drove all the way from Wheeler to be at the shower, so it was only right that we spent a little quality time with them before they returned home. I spent most of the evening sprawled across a patio lounge chair, with my feet resting on the headrest. Not super comfortable for my back, but my feet were too swollen for me to combat any longer. I remain thankful for a husband that recognizes when his wife is on the verge of a breakdown, so we left the party much earlier than I had planned, but it meant bedtime for me, so I didn't complain even once. I slept for twelve straight hours (excluding the 15 minutes I was awake before Cody made me go back to bed when I woke up at 8:30.) I felt refreshed and revived, so I enthusiastically started barreling through Ella's things from the shower. ALL. DAY. LONG. I was so cranky by the end of the day that I considered locking her room and never entering again. But perspective kicked in, and my heart took flight at the knowledge that people love our baby enough to completely fill her room to the brim with things that she'll need to survive the first couple of years of her life. We were overwhelmed by the outpouring of blessings given to us, and even though I wonder how we'll make this thing work financially sometimes, the shower made it evident that the Lord has blessed this chapter of our lives... so I don't worry about it much these days.

The rest of the week was pretty slow paced. The squash section of our garden is blowing us away, with fruits that will be ready by the end of this week, no doubt. The tomatoes are not cooperating with us this year. There are tomatoes all over the plants, but the weather won't stay hot enough to turn them red, so they're getting old before they can be enjoyed. The fluctuating temps aren't helping. But things are still growing instead of dying, so we'll count it as a victory. Our front yard is turning a magnificent shade of green, which is a major relief, because for a couple of weeks it was yellow. As in dead looking. And Cody obsessed while I rolled my eyes. It's finally turning, though, and it makes our sweet little house look even sweeter. I love it.

The only other major news I have is that Ella finally turned! I've been carrying her transverse this entire pregnancy, and I was really starting to panic a little bit. We had our last sonogram yesterday at the doctor's office, and saw more of her face than we ever did at the sneak-a-peek sonogram. Her blasted feet are still hanging out in her face, but the kid is head down, and that's where we needed her. The best way I can describe the way she's laying is to say to envision a diver. You know, when they flip and grab their feet until they hit the water? After researching said dive, I've learned it's called a Pike dive. It Looks like this:

I tried to find a man with more clothes, but I figure that since this guy was in the Olympics, it's okay. Anyway, that's pretty much exactly how Ella lays. Her back curves along the right side of my stomach, her sweet little hiney is up by my diaphragm, and she brings her feet back down to her face. So once again, instead of seeing her entire face, we saw her big foot and what was left of her face.Our weird baby chews on her umbilical cord (I don't know, she's Cody's kid.) So we also got plenty of cord pictures, but it's okay. It'll be even sweeter to not completely know what to expect when we see her for the first time. Knowing that this was the last ultrasound was bittersweet for me. I spent a lot of time wishing the pregnancy away, but I really will miss seeing my stomach convulse. I'll miss the feeling of knowing I'm doing something right when the ultrasound tech confirms perfect growth. I'll especially miss the way Cody looks at my belly when I roll over in the mornings. But I'm mostly ready to just get the show on the road. I hear that there are days of  severe discomfort just around the river bend (Pocahontas really was the worst disney film), so I'm not super thrilled about it, but I'm ready to get through June. Cody leaves me next Friday for SGY camp, then my parents leave me the day he gets back for a "work conference" in Florida. By the time everybody is done traveling (while I sit on my couch with Todd the obese dachshund,) It'll be mid-June. I'll be done working, then I'm only requiring Ella to stay in-utero for 2 more weeks before I begin throwing in a "And Ella can come pretty much whenever" into prayer time. I'm ready. I only have 2 more doctors appointments over the next three weeks before I begin going every week! God bless the Child, it's time to start getting excited. Here's a picture of my baby, and I am aware that she looks like a blob, but the tech really had to adjust the contrast on the pictures JUST to hide her foot (and cord) and let us see a peek of that face. Look at that fat baby's cheeks. I love them.

Oh, also... Ella-phant is guesstimated to weigh 4 pounds and 3 ounces. My books and app say that at 32 weeks, she should be 3 pounds and 7 ounces. Don't mind my fat child. No wonder the stretch marks are starting to pile up on my stomach. Ugh. They're so hideous. Anyway, that's not something I want to think about right now. Speaking of, I made about 9 attempts to take a bump picture today, but if I'm being honest, those pictures are getting harder and harder to look at. I love my baby, but I feel I could advocate for the Save the Whales campaign right now. So here's one from my baby shower... right smack in the middle of my sweatfest.  Please excuse my ghost skin.

Did you know that my boss delivered her son at 32 weeks? He was perfectly healthy, just done growing, I guess. Her water broke, she had a baby, then they went home two days later. Isn't that INSANE?! That would be like me going into labor... like now. This instant. Ella even weighs more than he did. I can't handle the crazy. Okay. Farewell!

Week 30

Dear Tums,

I have to say that our love affair was unexpected, but certainly not unwelcome. That's a Levi Smith song, but I feel like it rings true in our lives. I've always judged others who depended on you, considered them weaklings and swore that I would never need your chalky residue in my life. I recognize my foolishness now, thankfully, and I'll spend the rest of my life celebrating your existence. You have been a relief in times of acidic peril, truly rescuing me from the depths of a darkness I've never known. My heart has burned, not with the passion of a lover, but with acid from Hades himself. I've come to need your berry flavored goodness in my life, despite my best attempts to fight the feeling.Thank you for your faithfulness, never disappointing me, even though it takes 45 of you an evening to keep the acid away from my esophagus. I'm forever indebted to you, and though our time remaining together is fleeting, I'll always hold a special place for you in my memories. Like Rose on Titanic remembered Jack. XOXOXOXO

Kaylea


Ya'll. Heartburn has plagued me since about week 23, but it was always kind of off and on, and it never really bothered me enough to change my diet. My life now revolves around what will cause the least amount of acidic damage to my throat. Because it doesn't matter what I eat, it's going to cause heartburn. I had a peanut butter and Jelly sandwich for a snack yesterday. Regretted it immediately. It's absolutely, positively, indubitably, completely the worst part of pregnancy for me. That's a big statement to make. Pregnant women deal with babies in rib cages (which tickles me more than it hurts,) ligaments waking you from a dead sleep if you move in the slightest wrong way, near constant back aches, front aches, shoulder aches, and sleep deprivation. Nausea at the most random times, dizzy spells from the hormones racing through your system, swelling of multiple extremities at once. Food Aversions, Food Cravings, Food binges, and a brand new digestive tract that very rarely cooperates. There are body changes that I can't even bring myself to discuss, but they are UGLY, and it's hard to look in the mirror lately. So for me to say that heartburn is the worst part of this ordeal speaks volumes about my hatred for it. I should really invest in the TUMS company, because maybe then I'll get some of my life savings back. God Bless Tums.

The garden is THRIVING. There are tiny little squash, squash blooms, zucchini galore, and tomatoes already weighing heavily on the branches. Nothing is edible yet, but I was really concerned about whether we needed to rip everything up and try again, or soldier through. The weather has not been an ally for us this year, and good weather is kind of an asset for a good garden. I hear that summer temps are on the horizon for us though, so really, it could only be about a week before I can chow down on some garden goods. I was finally brave enough to try some of the squash I blanched last year (I had never blanched squash for freezing before,) and it was amazing. AMAZING. So I'll be a blanching fool with my newborn baby this summer. Anyway, I don't know if it was a craving or a streak of inspiration, but I made Cody plant a few cantaloupe seeds. We've never done cantaloupe and I've never felt the need to, considering Pecos cantaloupes are sold on every corner of Odessa in the summer, but it's too late to turn back now. I figure worst case scenario, if they don't taste like they should, we don't plant cantaloupe next Summer. I love simple solutions. It's really hard to be a gardener in West Texas. You never really know where the line is. It's taking everything in my power not to throw green bean seeds in the ground. But I've never been very successful with green beans. I get like 2 green beans per plant. 6 green beans do not make a successful dinner. Cucumbers are also a battle that we have surrendered against. Even when we make them grow, they're so horribly bitter. They require mild temps and a lot of water... which is something we can't provide in West Texas. I also can't believe that it's almost time to plant the okra seeds again. Okra requires HOT temps and very little TLC. They're perfect for someone who doesn't really have time for a garden, but enjoys a little southern with their dinner. Ah. I love our garden. I love this season of our lives every year, and always resent the winter a bit when it rolls around. Here's a few pictures of our progress. Aren't squash blooms pretty? I would never think that a squash was on the other end of that flower. The tiny guys are the cantaloupes sprouting, and Elle just made me laugh with her Batdog impersonation while we pruned tomatoes this morning. 

Ha, I love that the garden has completely taken over this blog about my pregnancy this week. My bad. This week was a tough week physically, but I'm sure that has something to do with my 4 pound baby taking her toll on my body. I'm going to have a super shallow moment and confess that I found my first "stomach" stretch mark. I've grown accustomed to stretch marks on my sides and thighs, but to see one on my stomach was crippling. Of course, I made a rookie mistake and ran to the closest scale, where I almost swallowed my teeth. I've grown so used to gaining just a couple of pounds a month, so to actually see that I'm really beginning to gain more than that is hard. It's not exactly an opportune time to begin dieting, but I'll definitely be cutting back on some of my carb intake. Carbs are just so convenient. I don't expect my doctor to be too disappointed in my weight, but I won't be surprised if he says "Hey Soul Sister, let's take er easy on the sweet tooth!" Actually, he would never say that, though I wish my Doctor called me Soul Sister. He's more the type to say "Hey, so we're gaining some weight..." then he'll see the look of shame on my face and say "Well, we're growing a baby, so it's not a big deal, but just keep in mind that you really only need about 300 extra calories per day... which isn't a whole lot." Subtle, but still a slap in the face. Oh well. I only have 9 more weeks. If I learn how to say "No" again to second portions, I should be alright.This also means that I should limit my fruit loops consumption to one bowl a day instead of four. 

My ligaments are stretching pretty miserably this week. It's a pain equivalent to REALLY pulling a muscle, but there's not a whole lot you can do about it once they start their stuff. You grin and bear it... or hold your breath... or freeze whatever you're doing in case you can change the course of your destiny by backtracking. Some days aren't bad, but some days are miserably uncomfortable. But it's just another one of those things that you grow accustomed to. The baby lays sideways in my stomach, so most of the time, my back suffers the consequences of our day more than the rest of my body. We're praying with all of our souls that she turns soon, as I've been assured I'll get a little relief. Other than that, nothing has changed much. My appetite has increased dramatically, but it's a limited menu thanks to our good friend acid reflux. I feel pretty good most days, because I transitioned to part time hours at my job. I go in later and leave early, which gives me time to relax a little bit before Cody gets home and I resume wife duties. It's been one of the best decisions for us... as my moods are significantly happier, I don't go to bed at 10:02, and I'm generally a bit more patient with people. I love part-time. Beginning part-time also marked the beginning of my last month of work, so it's really pretty unbelievable that we're already to this point. The days used to drag, and now we're almost to the end. I love, love, love it! 

I feel like I'm forgetting something, but that's just the way I live my life these days. My first Mother's Day was a sweet day, filled with continual affirmation from my husband that he chose the perfect woman to grow his baby, and that he was just as crazy about me as I am about him. At church that evening, we listened to a message that re-affirmed everything that I am as a mother AND woman to the Lord. I'm thankful for a church that strives to remind me that being a mother is not my identity, because I know that I'll tend to forget that when a baby is screaming her head off and I can't figure out why. I'm beginning to feel very prepared for the journey ahead, and I can only trust that it's because the Lord has heard my prayers. I've felt more peace about being her mom this week than I've felt since I saw those 2 pink lines. I've loved watching myself transition from fretful to relaxed, and I love that I can see that transition. My prayer times are filled with hopes and dreams instead of frets and worries, and I think maybe that's part of what has made these past couple of weeks seem so boring and uneventful. I'm not looking forward to labor, and I'm sure I'll be the laughing stock of the hospital when I start buzzing for my epidural after the first major contraction... but let's be honest, who wants to be the weirdo that enjoys pain? Exactly. 

She is a sweet, wiggly, stubborn baby. She loves fruit, hates most Mexican food, and brings so much laughter into our lives. She has captivated our hearts, and we're already wondering how we ever lived without her. Well, I know how we lived. It involved a little more wine and a lot less antacids. It involved cereal for dinner and gallons of sweet tea. It involved a gallbladder and a functioning digestive system. I feel I'm straying from the sentiment. She is dearly loved and adored, and we're so excited for you to see her. Here's the bump as we enter into our 31st week of this pregnancy, beginning the 9 week countdown!

Also, a small side note for those invited to the baby shower, it's at the Ellen Noel Art Museum. Silly Alyssa forgot to mention that part when she typed the address. You're not at the wrong facility! It looks like this: 

See you next week with an excessively emotional update about the baby shower and my new house full of baby items.

29 Weeks/ Mother's Day

*****Doing things a little differently this week because it was such a boring week.  I passed my 3 hour glucose test with flying colors, and my doctor believes that the only reason I failed my initial test was because I was fighting an infection (apparently my white blood cells were elevated.) That would make sense, because I was a snot filled, lung hacking, cranky, continually exhausted pregnant woman that week. So, that was good and annoying to hear. That was the only big news! So, this week you get a letter to Ella (for her baby book. Which is the entire purpose of this blog.)

Hello, Sweetest one...

This is a really weird day for me, and a really weird letter to write. You see, on the outside of the womb, tomorrow is Mother's Day. It's a holiday dedicated to honoring mom, getting her a small gift as a token of appreciation, competing with your siblings to make mom cry the hardest with your words in a greeting card, and fighting restaurant crowds to bond as a family while mom looks at her flock and smiles at a job well done. We hug mom a little tighter, voluntarily take photos to make her happy, and make sure we say "I love You" before we say goodbye. Mother's Day is a good day, and I've always looked forward to cashing in on it. Always. Like, I was thirteen years old and thinking "Mother's Day is awesome. I can't wait to get in on this action."

Yet as we approach the day, whenever people tell me "Happy Mother's Day!", I find that I don't know how to respond. Part of me smiles, Part of me scoffs, Part of me feels like throwing up. Because it's all over now, Cinderellie. Though I technically don't have you here to show off to the world, you're kind of hard to miss in this belly. People see you, and acknowledge you, and they smile. Pregnant bellies do something to people. I don't know if it makes them remember a time before soccer tournaments and hectic schedules, or maybe it gives people the people who want a baby belly hope, or maybe they're just happy that it's me and not them. I don't know what it is, but even though you're not here to cuddle with, you've been accepted into our family by society. Well done. Anyway, it's hard to believe that I've finally made it to the realms of motherhood. And that's the part that's kind of nauseating. So before you finish baking, there are some things you should know. I feel it'll bring us closer, and it's better to clear the air.

1. I am absolutely crazy about your daddy. I mean, I adore him. I love his fluffy hair, his contagious laugh, his redneck tendencies, and how much he loves me. Sometimes I'm a little nervous about sharing him with you. We have the most wonderful time together. We love to sit on the porch together and talk about our dreams. We love gardening together. We love to hold hands while we walk. We really just love being together, and it's been that way for about 5 years now. I'm not saying that things have always been easy, because sometimes marriage is hard. But it's always been right. It's always been worth it. I know that having you is only going to make us love each other more, but I also know that you're going to wreck his world. I'm excited to watch you two fall in love with each other, but part of me is sad to know that the days of being the only girl in his life are almost over. The other part of me knows that The Lord blessed us with a wonderful man, and I have a feeling that he'll do everything he can to let us both know how deeply loved we are. So it'll all work out. Oh, and just so you know, we kiss a lot. We love to kiss each other, so that's just something you're going to have to learn to live with.

2. Sometimes I'm terrified of being a mom. I know babies. I know how to pacify them. I'm not scared of you as an infant. I'm scared of you as a child. I'm afraid of how I'll respond the first time somebody hurts your feelings... because I just want to be honest with you, girls can be vicious. Even at 10 years old. I'm afraid that you're going to love math, and I won't know how to encourage it. The alphabet doesn't belong in the number system. I don't know WHY your daddy loves it the way he does, but it's pretty much not American. I'm afraid that you'll roll your eyes at spelling and grammar, and I won't know how to cope with it. I'm afraid of the first time you tell me you have a "boyfriend" in the 6th grade, because I'll be forced to inform you that you don't. And then find some way to tell your daddy this news, because there will be no secrets. I'm afraid that I won't be patient enough. I tend to expect children to act civilized and calm at all times, and I want to be okay with you acting like a looney tune sometimes. I'm afraid of being a worrying mom, and I don't want to discourage you if you're fearless. I'm afraid of being too strict, but I want you to be a good person. I want you to be a reader, I want you to be intelligent, and I want you to fascinate people with your trivia. I will not allow Dora the Explorer in this house. I can't handle that nonsense. I'm afraid of learning to let you go as you get older, because I already want to protect you from heartache. I'm not even going to dive in to junior high and high school, because I'll hyperventilate. Basically, I love you so madly. I'm so absolutely in love with your sweet face that I'm afraid of not being enough. I'm confident that the Lord wouldn't have given you to me if I wasn't ready, but I don't know anything about kids over the age of eight, because I tend to avoid them. Fortunately for you, I'm the only mom you'll know for awhile. So I have a little bit of time to sort through my fears. And by the way, I know that I have nothing to fear because we're on team Jesus, but Jesus appreciates it when I bring my worries to him. I just felt it was appropriate to let you know ahead of time that I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm willing to figure it out... because I kind of adore you, and also, it's too late to turn back.

3. This is your Pappy, and he loves me more than he loves you. Okay, that was a little immature of me, but it'll be a while before you can actually read this. By then, you'll know how much he loves you... But he'll probably love you in an entirely different dynamic that I'll still be jealous of, but willing to tolerate. I just wanted to clear the air. He was mine first, and I will thump you in the head if you try to steal him from me.

4. This is your Nani, and she is the reason that you have clothes in your closet. She's the reason you've had clothes in your closet since you were an embryo. She will move heaven and earth for you, and while it's incredibly awkward for me, she has full conversations with you... even though you're in my stomach and ignore her most of the time. She encourages me to survive each day of pregnancy, forced me to feed you when I was the sickest (you'll recall the gallbladder incident,) and has been super involved with every step of your life so far. We are eternally indebted to Nani, and it makes me love you more because you've brought me even closer to her. So Mom, I know you'll read this because you're a cyber-stalker, Happy Mother's Day. Thanks for carrying me through this whole journey, you'll never know how much it means to me. Also, I will consider calling you the evening before her birth instead of the hour before. It's the least I can do.
 

 

 

I think those were the major things. You should mostly know that you have about 10 weeks before your world is wrecked, but you have no idea what you're coming home to. I don't know that a baby has ever been more loved than you are, and you're not even here yet. I'm ready to kiss your toes while they're still pretty, but I probably won't do that after you're about 6 months old. I'm so blessed and overjoyed to be your mom, and I can promise you that nobody will be crazier about you than me. There was a time where I wasn't even sure I'd ever get to be a mom, so that fathom that you're mine is still so breathtaking. I cannot wait to share dreams with you, to hold you, to introduce you to Jesus, and to take you to a Rangers game. You are loved, adored, welcomed, and cherished... and I'll spend the rest of my life making sure you know it. Here's a photo of us, and I'm so excited to see what you look like in next year's picture.

 

 

 

I love you more than my luggage,

 

Mom. (Mama, Mumsy, Mumsicle... whatever you want to call me. Anything but mommy. It's my least favorite mom-ism)



Week 28

Well, I failed the one hour glucose test. I'm not shocked, but a part of me was still disappointed. I felt so great during the one hour wait that I just knew they were going to pass me. And I will say that I didn't fail miserably, but still enough that they called and said "Come pick up the order for the 3 hour!" I thought about saying "NO!" But that wouldn't have been the grown up decision. Part of me wants to go Monday and get the thing over with, but the other part of me looks at my very bruised arm from the last go around and thinks "Meeeeh." This test requires 4 separate needle pricks, and even though they switch arms each time, I can't imagine that it would feel great sticking a needle into an already bruised arm...twice.

*UPDATE* Today is Monday, and I didn't go for my 3 hour glucose test. I have a terrible tension headache at the point where my skull and spine connect, and sometimes you just know when it's a bad idea to have 6 tubular devices of blood pulled out of your system. I would've been on the floor.  I've also been awake since 5:45, because husband had to leave town this morning, and his alarm welcomed and beckoned me into the day. Well, it woke me up, at least. It was amazing to feel my sweet girl move on both sides of my womb at once as I stayed in the bed with a pillow over my face, begging for sleep to return to me. But it didn't. My back was hurting, my legs felt like weights, my hips ached,  and my stomach was alive with the glory of Ella... sleep never returned. PLUS, my arm is still bruised and it hurts to poke it with my finger; so I said no to needles this morning. Exhausted + Needle Pricks + Fasting + Headache + 3 hour Wait= The recipe for awakening the ugliest and meanest side of me. I'll try to be a better person on Wednesday... but not today.

*UPDATE, UPDATED* Today is Wednesday, and I did go for my 3 hour glucose test. It  was an interesting ride. This week, the clinic was out of "orange" flavor, so I was given Lemon-Lime. It tasted like watered down Sprite. Not bad, but not as smooth as the orange. They took my blood when I got there, I drank the juice, Then they took my blood on the hour, every hour, for the following 3 hours. I wish they would've provided a bed, because I was sleepy and bored, but I only had to drink the juice once. My arms are very sore, and quite bruised (especially the arm that was already bruised), but again, this hasn't been a bad experience.  

I also had my Rhogam shot on Friday. It was the first shot I've received in the hip (I prefer arms, in case you're planning to offer me a shot,) and after the initial shock to my system wore off, I was ready to roll. I would be totally okay with Ella being a negative blood type at birth so that I don't have to get another, but it's good to know it's a tolerable shot if I have to do it again. I would choose it over a shot in the mouth any day of the week. Those are the WORST.

I was supposed to start "Kick Counts" This week, but homegirl isn't feeling it. Ella moves of her own accord and will, and sometimes that means 10 times an hour, and sometimes that means 10 times in a morning. I've really struggled with it, since all of the books say that it could mean a problem, but her heartbeat is strong, and she does move. I've talked to my Doctor about it, and he says it could be the way she's laying. She could be moving all day everyday, but not in an obvious way. He seems confident that I would know if something wasn't right, so until then, I torture my child through the various ways I've read to make them move. Flashlights? Immune. Sweets? Immune. Cold Water? Immune. Lying on my side? Immune. Music? Immune. A little belly shaking? Immune. She moves when she wants to. That's the best way to describe my frustration. I've noticed that when I'm relaxed and happy, she's WAY more active. But since I'm at work for the majority of the day and generally pretty unhappy about being there, she stays pretty still. She usually moves when I laugh, and she always moves when I'm sitting in the rocking chair talking to her daddy. I've learned to be still through the parts of pregnancy that make me anxious. The Lord has his hand on her life, and even though some days it's REALLY hard, I have to walk in the confidence that He really does have things under control. I can't see her, but He can. She belongs to Him, and it's really better for all of us.

We had our Sneak-a-Peek ultrasound yesterday. She is still stubborn, but it's easy to get over because she's so funny! She lays across my stomach horizontally, giving the public the impression that I have love handles, but that's beside the point. She lays with her face looking up (as if she was looking at me), and her legs up by her head. She sucks on her toes and loves putting her arms behind her head. She does the sweetest little half-grin, and though I was disappointed by our pictures, it was sweet to be able to see her acting like a baby. Her head measured 28 weeks, Her legs measured 27 weeks, and her sweet little belly measured 31 weeks. Yep, 31 weeks. They guesstimated her weight at 3 pounds and 2 ounces. My app says that she could potentially triple her weight over the next eleven weeks (Please Lord, no,)  so she'll only get pudgier. The way things are looking now, she's petite, fat, and blessed with incredibly large feet. She has her daddy's cheekbones, without a doubt, and she never gave us a super definite picture of her nose, but it's not looking quite as puggy in her profile. The tech swears that she has hair, but I don't know that I believe that. I guess we'll just have to see. Her lips are my favorite part of our pictures. They're so sweet. Agh, I'm really just in love with her, and her daddy is equally (if not more) captivated. I'm so thankful for technology.  

I've done super well with opting out of buying clothes for tiny girl. I know my mother would never let her look homeless, but if she's anything like her daddy's pictures suggest, she'll be a diaper baby most of our days anyway. It'll be hard for me to let her have that freedom (because I am NOT an advocate for clothe-less children,) but if she's happy, she's happy. Back to the point, I've bought maybe 3 dresses and a gown that made me laugh hysterically. I bought all of those things before I even knew for certain that she was a girl, so to say that shopping has been minimal is an understatement. She's being born at a super awkward time of year anyway, because when she transitions into 3-6 month attire, it'll be October, so most of the clothing out right now won't do any good. I did splurge last week, however. I bought the sweetest little mint green romper. I plan to get her newborn pictures made in it, but I've been obsessed with these rompers since before I was pregnant. Seriously, ask my mom. I used to show it to her and say "I'll buy one in every color when Cody and I have a baby." Well, I can't afford one in every color, but I'm super excited to get a red one for her first Christmas Pictures. A red Romper with a white cardigan and white tights... with Red Shoes...or maybe even Christmas socks, because a girl should always choose comfort over pain. Her daddy is anti-big bow, so maybe I'll put one of those reindeer headbands on her. It's a Christmas picture, it's meant to be tacky and hysterical, right? Right? Hm. Anyway, here's her sweet romper:

Um, I don't know if anyone has paid attention to the weather, but it's MAY and 46 degrees outside... with a cute little asterisk that says "Feels like 38." IN MAY. Ridiculous. So now I'm forced to watch my little tomato plants shiver in the wind, my squash and zucchini plants shrivel into unrecognizable forms, and our new grass look even yellower than usual. It's all sorts of frustrating. I looked at our old pictures, and we were already picking squash on May 14, 2012. We're at least a month away from squash at this point, so this is a funky garden year. Who knows when we might see vegetation at this point. Everything is growing in spite of our bi-polar weather system, so I guess that's really all we can ask for. 

I think that's everything I felt obligated to share today. In terms of symptoms, my feet are really battling me in terms of swelling. I spend our evenings with my feet up and it helps significantly, but it's hard to get out and walk when my feet are so beet red and funny feeling. Walking helps more than anything though, so while our walks are brief, we're pretty good about going. My back has hurt more this week than it has in the last month or so, but it's nothing severe. My rubber band ligaments are feeling the stretch this week, so I try not to move or walk too quickly, otherwise I find myself to be severely uncomfortable for a long period of time. My hair is starting to get super annoying. I initially loved my lush locks, but now it's just getting toooooo thick, and I find myself staring into the mirror and saying "I...KILLED...MUFASA!!!" after I've battled my hair and it still looks like a lion mane. I've developed the "chronically tired" look to my face, so even when I smile my prettiest for a picture, my eyes give me away. I have found the secret to combating charley horses, so I haven't had one in quite some time. *fingers crossed* And I've actually slept better this week than I have in about a month, so I'm thankful for that. It's been a pretty simple week. People ask me how I am, and I say "Pregnant." Strangers try to touch my stomach and I politely sidestep their grabbing. I haven't had to use force yet, so thankfully people will continue to pick up on my hints as we finish out these last eleven weeks. ELEVEN weeks. Unfathomable. 2 1/2 months sounds too long, but eleven weeks sounds so imminent and short. 77 days sounds even crazier. 

That's it! This blog was kind of all over the place, but my brain is kind of all over the place lately. I'm getting excited to quit working and spend my days with my feet reclined while I plot menus and recipes while we wait for this baby to join us. I'm hoping the glucose mess comes back clean so that I can chow down on fruit without pondering the sugar in the fruit. I'll be 8 months pregnant in prime cantaloupe season, so you have NO idea how excited I am about that. Watermelon too, at that. Basically, even though it'll be a thousand degrees outside, I'm pregnant in the BEST weather for smoothies and fruit based ice creams. It's one of the only things I'm excited about.Unless the weather keeps it's nonsense up, then I'll probably be making cocoa and re-reading Narnia while I long for summer temperatures. Dramatic, maybe... but apparently possible. Here's the Bump as we embark on our last week in the twenty-somethings!
 

Week 27

Well, Week 27 is another one in the books, which only means one thing...

WE ARE IN THE THIRD TRIMESTER!!!!!!!!

Praise the Lord, if the end of this week isn't a week to celebrate, I don't know what is. We are moving into D-Day, and I told Cody on our lunch date today that I cannot believe how quickly April has gone by. It's been an incredibly busy month for us, mostly for Cody, but it's been a super long, quick paced month. I recognize the contradiction. The best way to describe it is that the day to day grind is tiring and tedious, but to consider that next week we will be in May is an incredible eye opener to the quick pace of our lives. I know that sometimes life gets in the way, but it's my prayer that when Ella is born, the Lord is quick to remind us of our priorities. I pray that we recognize when things need to change, and that we aren't too prideful to say no if it means sacrificing time with our sweet one. These are very real prayers in my life, because I never want to look back and feel like I missed her life trying to balance my own.

That being said, I also pray that the Lord rescues me from battling monotony. I plan to leave a job that allows me to be out and about during the day, and while it exhausts me right now, I enjoyed it pre-pregnancy. I don't want to feel bored and lonely while Ella is still too little to talk back, and while I hear routine is the best way to combat these feelings, I'm not sure how to plot a routine with a newborn. I know I'll cherish my time with her so very much, but I also don't want to feel like a prisoner in my own home. I'm thankful we live across the street from a park, and it'll be great in the summer and fall when we can take walks, but I fear the winter and being trapped inside with a baby that can't converse with me. I don't want to blow Cody's phone up looking for conversation, but I also never want to take for granted that I'm able to stay home with my daughter when there are so many other women that can't afford the same privilege. It's a weird place. I know it's the best thing for all of us, but I guess fear of the unknown is also a little unnerving.

In new symptoms, I've noticed a bit of a waddle to my walk. I notice it the most when I'm trying to keep up with Cody, and he even laughs when he turns around and sees me trying to catch him. We went to the grocery store this week for the first time in about a month (I'm telling you, we've been busy) and it was exhausting. I was trying not to be too dramatic while we walked across the parking lot, but I must have been super obvious, because Cody said "When we get home, I want you to go and sit down on the couch for a little while." I wasn't going to argue, and I ended up on the couch for two hours coming in and out of sleep. Those kind of things hit out of nowhere lately, and fortunately, it's always been at a place or time that I could stop and rest for a while. I can only hope a wave of exhaustion doesn't hit while I'm out and about somewhere that I can't stop. Pregnancy has been so great for helping me learn how to listen to my body. I really do hope it sticks around after the baby is out. Now that I don't panic at every weird thing my body does (that's the wonderful thing about those babies wiggling around inside of us), I'm able to stop and really think to myself "What would that be if it isn't the baby?" and 9 times out of 10, I'm able to self diagnose. It's fabulous. I'm super excited to say that I have been sober from sweet tea for almost two weeks now, and I don't miss it at all. As a matter of fact, based on the way I feel and even subtle changes like my teeth looking way whiter, it's enough to keep me sober. I only had a tea every few days, but I still wanted to stop drinking it, so even though I felt ridiculous, I asked the Lord to help me curb the craving. I had a tea at lunch the next day, and I made it about 2 drinks in before I stopped because it tasted bitter. I tried again at dinner that night, and it was the same taste. Since then, I haven't craved tea at all. You can't tell me that the Lord doesn't hear even the simplest prayers... even if they make us feel silly while we pray. My body craves water exclusively now, although I do grab the occasional lemonade if I feel like I'm dragging. I've absolutely loved it. I can't say my energy has been restored, but my skin looks so much better, I haven't cramped or ached for no good reason, I've been able to combat some digestive issues (it's a pregnancy blog, what do you want from me?), and I'm able to get out of the bed easily in the mornings when I'm super hydrated. It's incredible what water does for your body, so even if you aren't pregnant, join me on the water train. And if you "hate" water the way I did, I feel for you...but if I can change my mindset, you can too. I didn't even need Advocare to make a change in my life. =D That was a little tacky, but Advocare is blowing up my facebook and it's enough to make me want to delete my account. But I can't, because I'm committed to finishing this blog first.

I have my glucose test tomorrow. I've never been LESS excited about any of the "milestones" in pregnancy so far. I hear it's "Not that bad," and it's "Just like Flat Orange Soda!" Um, "not that bad" doesn't translate to good, and I don't like orange soda when it's not flat, so I'm definitely looking forward to it being over. I pray to the sweet Lord that I don't have to do the 3 hour test, but every other woman in my family has been border-line positive. So I'm prepared for either result. I'm proud of myself though, because I haven't tried eating any differently to "tip" the results. I've actually heard that it's not even possible, but it sure doesn't stop people from trying. If I have gestational diabetes, what better way to kick start a healthy lifestyle than to do it while she's still in utero? If I don't have gestational diabetes, it will be wonderful. I will be thrilled. But I feel like it's going to be okay regardless, if you know what I mean. Optimism is the key to surviving pregnancy.

*UPDATE* The Glucose test was not bad at all. The drink was in a water bottle, which was wonderful, because I don't like drinking out of cups without straws. The drink was also FRIGID, which I loved, because the heater was on in the clinic. You know, because of this wonderful Spring Winter we're having at the end of April. Ugh. Anyway, I had 10 minutes to get the drink down, but I was done in about 3. The drink did not taste like flat Orange Soda, but like an orange slurpee. NAY! It tastes like a melted popsicle. You know, the ones that come in the little plastic tube? Identical. That's where I recognize the flavor from! That was sincerely driving me crazy. The frigid of the drink probably helped significantly. So looking back, I obviously wouldn't choose to drink it over something else, but if I have to go back for the 3 hour test, I'm not worried about "keeping it down." I didn't gag, I didn't cringe, and I was actually pleasantly surprised by the smooth of the flavor. I love it when that happens, it's like finding a good wine.

I also get my Rhogam shot this week. It's a great indicator of how long we have until this pregnancy ends. You see, you have to get the rhogam shot exactly 12 weeks before delivery. Most doctors (including mine) won't let an RH Negative mother go past 40 weeks after getting the shot, so I'm super excited to know that this baby will be in my arms in 12 weeks (at the VERY latest.) If her blood type is positive, I get the RH shot again after delivery. If it's negative, this will be my only Rhogam shot. I know you're probably thinking "Why doesn't Cody just get his blood type checked so that you avoid a shot?" Well, that's a great question. And we pondered the same thought. But it turns out that you can't show up at a lab and say "Hello, I need my blood type." And we aren't totally thrilled about donating a bag of blood just to know his type. And even if my doctor were to write an order for Cody's blood type, somebody still has to get poked and prodded. It may as well be me. And let's be honest, shots aren't even bad. I always appreciate the nurses that pinch your arm fat and poke, but even when they don't, shots don't bother me. I've been shot multiple times so far this pregnancy, so what's one more? I really hate Hand IV drips more than anything. Not because it hurts, but because it's awkward. I don't like it. Anyway, we're 12 weeks away from this baby!!!

I'm almost afraid to say it out loud, but pregnancy has really kind of taken a turn for me this week. I hate that it took 28 weeks, but I am glad to say that for the first time, I've really enjoyed life this week. The first half of pregnancy is full of so many bodily changes. So many changes, all of the time. Weeks 20-28 were just kind of awkward for me, because the weird symptoms stopped being new, but the baby was so tiny that feeling it was almost always a "Was that the baby?" And then when the kicks got a little stronger, they were so short lived that you only got a temporary giddy feeling. But this week, when I've consistently felt Ella move all day, every day... something changes in a woman. It's been so wonderful for me as her mother, because the bonding is beginning now. My tiny baby loves rocking chairs already. I love to sit on the front porch and rock while cradling my belly, and if I stop for half of a second, that baby goes on a kicking rampage. A few nights ago, my back was aching pretty severely, so I sat in the rocker for awhile... like, 2 hours. It was a peaceful evening, and Cody sat beside me and held my hand. I really almost cried because of how precious it was. I was holding the hand of the man that is 1/2 of this tiny tick in my womb, and she moved and kicked in response to what I can only assume was my heart beating a little faster. The only thing I can say about it all is that even if this week is the only week that I look back and smile about, then at least I finally have a week that I really loved being pregnant. I'm just being honest about it. Then again, I could love next week, and the week after. Really, I could love it until I start getting super uncomfortable... but I might love it then, because I know it's almost over. So hold on, Pregger friends that are behind me. Sometimes those babies will steal your heart and you won't even know how to cope with it... but you'll love it.

I do want to stop and take a moment to brag about my sweet husband. I'm not going to lie, I was a little nervous about his lack of sensitivity when I found out we were pregnant. I don't want that to be misinterpreted, because he's never been anything but wonderful to me... but I saw him burrow his brows a little when I told him about some of the things my dad used to do for me. Cody always tells me I'm too spoiled and it's my dad's fault for making me that way... but the way I see it, knowing how crazy my dad was about me saved me from a lot of heartache. I knew that if I didn't feel loved the way my dad made feel loved, I was in the wrong relationship. Cody was the first one to really open my eyes to just how deeply he loved me, through subtle and obvious ways. Even when we were still engaged, Cody informed me that our kids wouldn't be spoiled the way I was, but they would know they were taken care of. I've been nervous about it since. I didn't know how to fathom life without doing special things for my kids on Valentines Day or Easter, or even just because I felt like loving on my babies. Well, I'm here to tell you that I won't have to worry about any of it. I've watch my husband's heart begin to soften toward me and my pregnancy woes, because though he never said it out loud, I could tell that sometimes he thought I was exaggerating. He's been like a different man the last few weeks, encouraging me to rest frequently, encouraging me with affection when I catch a bad glimpse in the mirror, and showing up with random surprises to carry me through tedious weeks. He talks to the baby, tells her how pretty she is, and how much he loves her without prodding from me, and that's sincerely something I never thought I'd witness. I've always loved him, but seeing him transition to a Daddy has been a different kind of love. I see him differently now, and I don't know how I could possibly be anything but crazy about him from now until... forever. Even when he laughs at me when I try to bend over or get out of the bathtub. *sidenote, Bless the Lord for giving me monkey toes. They've been a lifesaver this pregnancy.*

The garden is growing faster than either of us could have imagined. Our tomato plants don't even reach my knee and they already have huge tomatoes on them. Part of me is pretty excited, because I crave tomatoes all of the time, but the other part of me is kind of like "Well, so much for 60 days." Our squash and zucchini plants are growing just marvelously this year, and I'm SO excited about it. I made a Chicken Fajita Salad for dinner one night this week, and in lieu of Bell Peppers (the quickest possible routes to heartburn,) it called for squash and zucchini. I was hesitant, because you don't see a whole lot of squash in mexican dishes, but it was amazing. So good. I'll never eat fajitas the same way again. But besides all of that, I've been countless recipes for various breads and muffins, and I don't know that I'll feel nice enough to share my squash again this year. I only have seven plants, after all. Ha. I'm sure I'll change my tune mid-summer. Anyway, It's exciting to watch the garden really begin to look like a garden and not dirt, because it was super boring there for a couple of weeks. We also made a fun investment for our front yard: GRASS! I know what you're thinking "With the Water restrictions?!" Yeah, Yeah. We chose a hybrid grass specifically for this region, it only requires an inch of water a week, and the restrictions have been moved to 2 days a week. We're feeling really good about our decision so far, and it was SO great not to choke on the dirt when the cold front blew in a few days ago. We've already noticed a significantly smaller amount of dirt on the porch, and it really gave our yard the most adorable curb appeal. I'm really excited to see it this summer when all of the squares are green and vibrant. I'll also have a baby by then. In about 84 days, really.

Okay, I think that's all! Next week will include updated photos of my sweet Ella, and we're both so antsy with excitement that I don't know how I'm going to make it to the appointment. Our families are growing equally enthralled by the baby growing so close to making her appearance, so really it's been a great environment around us lately. Here's our bump! See ya Next Week.